Monday, June 29, 2009

Start Wedman 2009 All Star Game Picks

In a short two weeks, the elected All Stars of each league get to visit beautiful Busch Stadium in the best baseball town of all time, St. Louis. (No bias was used for that first line whatsoever)

As we all know, having the fans vote for the starting line-ups of the All Star game is a complete crock of shit. Fan voting started in 1947, which is a lot earlier than most people would suspect, and abruptly ended in 1957 because the Cincinnati Reds fans stuffed the ballot box. The voting that year lead to every starting Red being elected except George Crowe at first base, losing to Stan the Man. (Sucks to be him, right?) However, before the game, Commissioner Ford Frick realized what a travesty this was and immediately put Hank Aaron and Willie Mays into the line-up. Frick then asked Eisenhower to get back at Cincy by not building any freeways into the city. Too bad that didn't happen.

In 1970, fan voting was re-installed, leaving the idiots to lead the blind ever since. If you want proof of why fans should not get to pick the starting line-ups of the All Star Game, you will soon see below... (My personal side comments are italicized)



C - Scott Podsednik, White Sox
1B - Scott Podsednik, White Sox
2B - Scott Podsednik, White Sox
3B - Scott Podsednik, White Sox
SS - Scott Podsednik, White Sox
OF - Scott Podsednik, White Sox
OF - Scott Podsednik, White Sox
OF - Scott Podsednik, White Sox


C - Scott Podsednik, Rockies
1B - Scott Podsednik, Rockies
2B - Scott Podsednik, Rockies
3B - Scott Podsednik, Rockies
SS - Scott Podsednik, Rockies
OF - Scott Podsednik, Rockies
OF - Scott Podsednik, Rockies
OF - Scott Podsednik, Rockies

Okapi has long been admired for his great consistency.



C - Joe Mauer, Twins
1B - Victor Martinez, Indians
2B - Brian Roberts, Orioles
3B - Chone Figgins, Angels
SS - Marco Scutaro, Blue Jays
OF - Shin-Soo Choo, Indians
OF - Torii Hunter, Angels
OF - Scott Podsednik, White Sox


C - Brian McCann, Braves
1B - Albert Pujols, Cardinals
2B - Dave forgot to pick a second baseman. Because of that, I'm voting for Skip Schumaker for him.
3B - Aramis Ramirez, Cubs - I guess this makes sense because no one has had a greater impact on the Cubs' season
SS - Honus Wagner, Deceased
OF - Ryan Braun, Brewers
OF - Mike Cameron, Brewers, Because he claims he plays drunk
OF - Justin Upton, D-backs



C - Joe Mauer, Twins, Easy, currently batting .600 with a 42.3 VORP.
1B - Russell Branyan, Mariners, I would pick Tex, but refuse to pick an Yankees or Red Sox. This should make it a little interesting. And Tex only hits home runs because he is playing in the most expensive little league field ever built.
2B - Ian Kinsler, Rangers, I kind of want to write in Ben Zobrist (14 VORP, +1.0 WARP). However, Kinsler is slugging .529. Ouch.
3B - Evan Longoria, Rays, This one is easy. 32.7 VORP. The next highest? Michael Young- 23.9.
SS - Marco Scutaro, Blue Jays, Apparently he is not Italian. Who knew?
OF - Shin-Soo Choo, Indians, Damn you Jason Bay and your insanely good year. Also, I wanted to vote in JD Drew, just to spite him. Because nothing would make his year worse than having to play an extra baseball game.
OF - Torii Hunter, Angels
OF - Magglio Ordonez, Tigers, What getting benched for no reason in your contract year doesn’t mean you are playing well? News to me.


C - Brian McCann, Braves
1B - I refuse to dignify this position with a response. The candidate is too obvious. Travis Ishikawa, right?
2B - Orlando Hudson, Dodgers, Utley would be the correct choice. But I’m voting Orlando Hudson, simply to cause Cooly to cry. He is getting back at me because earlier in the season, I traded Hudson straight up for Jeremy Hermida. I then had the disabled Aaron Miles starting at second for 6 weeks while O-Dog batted .360.
3B - Pablo Sandoval, Giants, Fuck David Wright. This guy weighs 634 pounds and can still play a league average third base. This is my most astounding performance this year.
SS - Miguel Tejada, Astros, Surprise. He’s actually performing pretty decent this year. I guess you don’t need steroids to succeed. If he is even off steroids right now (questionable).
OF - Manny. I absolutely hate fan voting. Therefore, I would like to shame baseball into forcing them to cancel fan voting. I will now vote for Manny 3 times.

If I wasn’t voting for Manny 3 times, I’m voting for Raul Ibanez and Ryan Braun.



C - Joe Mauer, Twins, I think that this is quite obvious. He is insane.
1B - Russell Branyan, Mariners, Alright, roids is a possibility, but you have to love the season that shitty ole Russell Branyan is putting up.
2B - Ben Zobrist, Rays, Unlike Zach, I have no problem putting him here. Plus, he's from Eureka, which is like 30 minutes from the Dirty Dirty. Probably explains why he's so good.
3B - Evan Longoria, Rays
SS - Jason Bartlett, Rays, I feel like I'm the only one who notices the insane season he's putting up right now. He would be third in BA right now if he qualified (behind Ichiro and Mauer, if he qualified). He's slugging .565!!! .565!!! On top of all that, his VORP is 35.5. That is sixth highest on the year so far, only behind Pujols, Mauer, Hanley, Utley, and Braun. That's a pretty good list to be on.
OF - Jason Bay, Red Sox
OF - Carl Crawford, Rays, I love stolen bases and the Rays. Sorry.
OF - Ichiro Suzuki, Mariners, I also love Ichiro. Fuck Torii Hunter.


C - Yadier Molina, Cardinals, There is no standout choice for catcher in the NL this year, so why not go with Molina? The game is in St. Louis, he is the best defensive catcher in the game, and this makes up for Russell Martin getting the Gold Glove over him in '07.
1B - Albert Pujols, Cardinals
2B - Chase Utley, Phillies, Because I often refuse to accept Orlando Hudson's existence.
3B - David Wright, Mets, Only because he is batting .342 while slugging under .500 with only 4 jacks. What a ridiculous stat line.
SS - Hanley Ramirez, Marlins, Most obvious choice after Pujols.
OF - Rick Ankiel, Cardinals, He would easily be batting .390 with 25 homers if he wasn't so badass and ran into that wall. Those are low estimates.
OF - Ryan Braun, Brewers, I really wish he wasn't on the Brewers. I have a feeling he will make me cry a few times over the coming years.
OF - Juan Pierre, Dodgers, Suck it Manny!

I told you that the fans shouldn't be able to vote.


  1. AL
    C - Mauer
    1B - Cabrera
    2B - Hill
    SS - Scutaro
    3B - Longoria
    OF - Bay
    OF - Suzuki
    OF - Jones

    C - McCann
    1B - Pujols
    2B - Utley
    SS - Ramirez
    3B - Sandoval
    OF - Ibanez
    OF - Braun
    OF - Kemp

  2. AL
    C - Inge
    1B - Branyan
    2B - Callaspo
    SS - Elvis Andrus
    3B - Ty Wigginton : So what if he is only batting .072, he is batting like .671 in June and I have memory problems.
    OF - Ichiro
    OF - Billie Mays
    OF - Jonny Damon : Because he is on a lot of roids and should be in the HR contest

    C - Torrealba : Only because he saved his child and brother in law from kidnappers instead of playing baseball
    1B - Adrian Gonzo
    2B - Felipe Lopez : Quietly having an amazing season for his standards
    SS - JJ Hardy : Only so he can get an extra game of at bats. He sucks so much dick and hate him for being on my team.
    3B - Mark Reynolds : For having lots of HR's and also trying to break his own strike out record. Very fun to watch.
    OF - Michael Bourne : fast as hell
    OF - That dude from the phillies who took Ibanez's spot and is now playing amazing.
    OF - Michael Crabtree

  3. AL
    C - Inge: because he never should have had to play a game at any other position
    1B - Victor Martinez: he kept that .390+ BA warm until Mauer came back to take it over
    2B - Ray Durham: damn this economy
    SS - Elvis Andrus: did you know hes the first player in the MLB to be named Elvis? espn only made a big deal about it for a whole week
    3B - Adrian Beltre: his year in '04 may have been the greatest steroid induced contract year in the history of baseball
    OF- Brian Anderson: he's got so much talent but ozzie always shits in his face
    OF- Brian Anderson: i shook his hand two weeks ago and may or may not have masturbated with said hand in the car on the way home (yes he can easily cover 2 spots)
    OF - Juice Williams: he will either go 5-5 with 4 homers or strikeout 5 times while making 4 errors... it s a 50/50 gamble

    C - Ivan Rodriguez: only for his amazing ability to have nobody associate him with steroids
    1B - Pujols: 162 game average of 43 HR and only 66 Ks... insane for todays game
    2B - Mark Derosa: suck it cubs fans
    SS - Khalil Green: since when did social anxiety become an excuse for not playing up to your potential? apparently 95% of the outfielders brought up in the Sox organization also suffered from social anxiety
    3B - Ken Caminiti: Yahoo fantasy baseball sucks because my desired name of "Caminitis Cardiac Killers" is too long to use
    OF - Devin Hester: cant catch the ball but he's really fast... not all that different from many MLB outfielders
    OF - Soriano: i just want everyone in America to watch him catch a fly ball and say, "Does he seriously do that gay fairy hop every time he catches the ball?"
    OF - Milton Bradley: the all-star game is important for the fans and with him in the outfield they have a better chance of getting a souvenir