Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Start Wedman vs Plaschke Round 1

For those of you who never read Fire Joe Morgan then this post will be refreshing and ground breaking. For those of you who have read FJM in the past this will be a blatant thievery of their ideas. Here's how these work: 1) Plaschke writes a dumb article 2) I find the article on the interwebs 3) I paste in the stupid stuff for you to read 4) I comment on why it is stupid. Pretty Simple.

Billy P. doing his thang

While the Dodgers were playing the 42nd game of Manny Ramirez's 50-game suspension Tuesday, Manny Ramirez was doing something very strange.

He was playing for the Dodgers.

Nope. No he wasn’t. He was playing for the Springfield Isotopes (or something like that, who wants to fact check?). Don’t worry Billy will figure this out soon enough.

Well, not exactly, but close enough

I knew he would figure it out. The difference between the Dodgers and the Isotopes really isn’t all that close. Manny’s performance tonight will in no way affect the winning or losing of the Dodgers. Plus, Manny will not be getting paid for this game. So he’s kind of like…suspended from the Dodgers. Weird.

Manny Ramirez playing for the triple-A Albuquerque Isotopes is as weird as the word Isotope.

This is why we made this website. Travesties like this sentence should not be occurring. This is his job. How does he keep said job?!?!?! That joke is funny on zero levels.

And why can't baseball punish a guy without also apologizing to him?

Sorry about those 50 games, slugger. You can use our minor league club to get back in shape before the suspension ends, come back at full strength, is that OK?”

I must have missed this memo. Was it only sent to Manny? And do you think Selig calls everyone ‘slugger’? I could only hope.

Under the current rules, I don't blame the Dodgers for sending them there, and it's hard to blame Albuquerque for trying to make a few bucks off the circus, but there is something fundamentally wrong about all of this.

I don’t see why anyone would blame either the Dodgers or the Isotopes. They are playing within the rules. The only possible person Billy P. could blame is Major League Baseball, so let’s see how he blames the MLB.

When negotiating the drug policy three years ago, baseball officials felt they had to allow for minor league rehab assignments in order to get union agreement on a 50-game suspension total. The union was claiming that, otherwise, with the player needing to get back in shape, the suspensions actually would amount to more than 60 games.

I suppose that makes sense. Right, Billy P.? Now Billy P. has established the counter argument as to why the MLB should allow a “rehab” stint. Here is a good time for your argument Billy.

Officials were also receiving pressure from their clubs to allow the players to do rehab assignments during the suspensions, instead of later, so the teams did not have to pay the players while they were in the minor leagues.

Also seems pretty logical. So, Major League Baseball set forth a 50 game suspension in which the player could come back at full strength after 50 games, and the club would not suffer and have to pay for a player that is not producing. Also logical.

Alright, your argument should definitely come now.

And perhaps they hoped that everyone would be so happy the druggies were finally being punished, nobody would notice.

Well, today, we all notice.

Is anyone else happy that Billy P. used druggies? I’m elated. I just pictured him as Red Foreman irate about all the ‘hop head’ hippies promoting peace. Also, I noticed when JC Romero did a similar thing a month ago. And it’s not my job to do so.

Still, noticing that Manny is playing does not equal a reason why his “rehab” stint should not be allowed. His point must be coming soon, right?

Today, a suspended baseball player is back on a field playing baseball and making money for the same people who suspended him.

The Springfield Isotopes suspended him? Really? I did not realize they had such a power.

Today, a shamed drug offender is basking in the national attention and adulation created by the same people who shamed him.

Today, a troublemaker who is currently being suspended from high school is enjoying private tutoring from his teachers in a simulated classroom environment filled with students, and where's the learning in that?

Let’s get this over with first. I know Billy is trying for some redundancy technique that crafty writers like to use (Dave can assist me with the technical term), but he just used ‘Today’ to begin his last 4 paragraphs. That shouldn’t be allowed.

Now let us get into the delicious content he gave us. That last paragraph, it needs punctuation, a logical theme, or a point that is relevant to the argument. It delivers none. Was that his argument? The local bully does not get private tutoring after he beats up this kid, so Manny should not be allowed to play in the Minors. (Sad face)

This is not the first time this has happened this season, as the Philadelphia Phillies' J.C. Romero quietly made five appearances in the minor leagues before completing his 50-game substance suspension.

Isn’t it your job as a reporter to notice this? Shouldn’t you have made a big deal about it then?

Romero is a fairly anonymous middle reliever

Romero is a good set-up man actually. Something that shouldn’t be taken lightly in today’s game where bullpens are absolutely necessary to a team’s success.

Is Billy P. going to get to his argument, or was that bully thing it?

In the meantime, Ramirez's suspension continues to look increasingly like a nice vacation for him and a financial windfall for the Dodgers.

What? Manny lost something around $4 million due to his suspension. The Dodgers lost their best player for almost one-third of the season. I’m guessing neither party was elated about the suspension. Instead, both parties want to minimize the damage of the suspension. Hence, the “rehab” assignment.

Think about it. During the suspension, Ramirez had reaped all the rewards of being a Dodger without any of the responsibilities.

Especially the reward of getting paid.

The Dodgers have taken care of his every need -- from cough syrup to batting-practice baseballs -- without once asking him to be accountable to the community that they once considered a priority.

Okay, Manny didn’t handle his positive test publicly. However, in the eyes of America who looks better right now, A-Rod or Manny? A-Rod was roasted for apologizing. Maybe Manny is a little smarter than we think. He avoided a lot of scrutiny by side stepping the issue. O, and I forgot to make fun of the cough syrup to batting practice baseballs line. Sorry, I’m getting a little exhausted. Fill in your own joke.

they actually sent employees to Albuquerque to help him and protect him from the unwashed masses who would dare bother the great man during his courageous comeback from a female fertility drug.

Billy P. master of the hyperbole.

I guess that's cheaper than hiring a midwife.

Does he always write like this? Who is his editor?

When Manny Ramirez is old and gray and sitting outside the locked doors of Cooperstown, he might reflect on this summer as the best 50 games of his career. Or is 42 games? Or, really, was he ever gone?

It's all Isotopes to me.

Did he ever say why he thought he shouldn’t be allowed to participate in a “rehab” assignment? He said that he will be playing. Billy said that he doesn’t like it, but he never said why it isn’t alright for Manny to play in the Minors. It seems to me that the MLB had it right. The player is suspended from the Major League Ball Club (the only team that counts) for 50 games. This means that the Dodgers, and Manny, are only penalized 50 games. How is it fair that the Dodgers have to suffer through 8 extra games?

5 comments:

  1. I'm surprised you didnt say anything about that last line. WTF does that even mean? I don't even know what part of speech he is using 'isotopes' as.

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  2. Also, I like how you incorporated Hudson into the story

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  3. Please write a review of the Isotopes' terrible jersey to correlate with this post.

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  4. The Isotopes had Daryl Strawberry and Steve Sax. Lay the fuck off.

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  5. I think me or my brother still has Sax's card.

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