Monday, July 27, 2009

Obvious Steroids User 7/27/09

This one is going to hurt Dave a lot, but the newest member of the OSU club this week is:


If you take a look at former OSU posts, you will see that we work with a combination of hitting statistics, personal connections, and accusations from Jose Canseco's books to finally enshrine someone into the OSU club. With Wood, coming up with this evidence has been difficult.

1. Although his batting statistics have certainly dropped off, an intelligent observer would attribute the decline to Wood's transition to the bullpen and AL. Due to my lack of intelligence, I was close to using this as an argument for Wood's steroids use but then logic won out (for the first time in the history of this website!).
2. The only personal steroid connections Wood had were Roger Clemens and Sammy Sosa. This is tough because The Rocket can be tied to tons of people since he moved around enough in the late 90's and Slammin' Sammy doesn't speak English, which makes getting steroid tips from him rather hard.
3. Jose Canseco doesn't accuse anyone not of Latin descent or not Hall of Fame bound.

The only unclear evidence I have to bury Wood is his history of injuries and some before and after shots.

Of course, I probably don't need to spend much time covering Kerry's history of injuries in depth because most readers here are of Midwest descent and spent an ample amount of time reading news articles about Wood's setbacks and arguing with biligerant Cubs fans who thought he was the greatest pitcher of all time.

Here's a quick recap of Wood's career with many injury footnotes:
1995 - Drafted by the Cubs
1998 - Strikes out twenty Astros as a rookie. Yes, Houston sucked that much even back then. Wood sits the last month of the season with elbow soreness but still wins the ROY.
1999 - Tommy John surgery.
2003 - Enjoys his best season, 266 strikeouts, hits a homer in Game 7 of the NLCS, watches the Marlins win their second title in eleven years of existence.
2004 - Strained triceps.
2005 - Shoulder surgery.
2006 - Torn rotator cuff.
2007 - Shoulder recovery and elbow soreness, returns late in the season as a reliever.
2008 - Closes for the Cubs, gets snubbed in the offseason by Kevin Gregg, shipped to the Mistake by the Lake.

Jesus, look at all of those injuries. And I didn't even include his trouble in 2007 with heated water. I, along with pretty much all Cubs' fans, have always blamed Dusty Baker for some of Wood's injuries because of overuse. But, when you look at this history of injuries, Kerry started straining tendons and muscles long before Dusty arrived and started keeping all of the whities out of the sun. Dusty came in 2003, and Wood already had Tommy John surgery before that. And when you look at the rest of the injuries after 2003, it is a little suspicious that all of them happened with tendons/muscles and clearly could have been caused by steroids.

Finally, there is Kerry Wood's fluctuating weight. Remember back in 2007 when he reappeared out of the bullpen and everyone exclaimed how he looked like a zombie addicted to meth? Do you think that was a coincidence? Here, look at it for yourself:

KERRY WOOD, pre-2007

KERRY WOOD, from May 30, 2007 NY Times article

Whoops, where did all the muscle mass go?

Sorry Dave, Kerry Wood is now a dubious member of the Start Wedman OSU club.


  1. The moral I got out of the article is that one doesn't need to do steroids to pitch a 97 MPH heater. But you should do steroids so that your 97 MPH fastball doesn't get launched over the right field bleachers by some asshole that cheats on baseball, and his wife, i.e. Curt Schilling's recollection of Barry Bonds' life. The Cubs tend to give up on guys who cold turkey life altering drugs, i.e. legendary ‘roider Mark Prior and America's former favorite body abuser Glenallen Hill. Not to mention the guy who made injecting Flintstone Vitamins in your bloodstream cool again, Slammin’ “bayball been very good to me” Sammy. When will people realize that weight loss isn't cool when it comes at the expense of chucking no-hitters, and belting Mickey Mantle Home runs?

  2. Every picture in this article is fantastic. Especially of Wood doing his best Tom Brady pose.

  3. I also just noticed that Wood's right arm is like three times bigger than his left in the first photo. How does that happen?

  4. I'm tempted to sue my own blog for libel.

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