Monday, August 31, 2009

Obvious Steroids User 8/31/09

This post is going to be the hardest one so far.

No, it's not Pujols. I knew that you automatically started thinking about that possibility. But that will never happen on my watch, even if he is caught with a needle hanging out of his ass like a monkey's tail.

Instead, this post hurts the most because of the high Hudson douche factor.

The Obvious Steroids User this week is ERIC DAVIS.

I actually have no problem in Davis' statistics with the Reds, Dodgers, and Tigers from 1984-1997. Although if you look at the numbers, there are some fluky looking and injury-ridden seasons (especially 1996) that look odder than a Lady Gaga concert.

But there is a better answer to some of that inconsistency; his lifetime best friend was Darryl Strawberry. Have you ever tried to play baseball with a nosebleed? Honestly, it's impossible.

Here's where the Hudson douche factor kicks in... Eric Davis came down with a bout of colon cancer in 1997. (Strangely, Strawberry gets the same cancer a year later. Makes you wonder what kind of fucked up shit they were doing together.)

In 1998 at the age of 36, he won the Comeback Player of the Year in Baltimore with a line of 28 HR/ 89 RBI/ .327 AVG/ .388 OBP/ .582 SLG in 131 games.

Here are the suspicious things about those stats:

1. He put up a SLG % that is exactly 100 points higher than his career mark... while having cancer.
2. Those 131 games are tied for the third most he has ever managed to play in his 17-year career. He did this... while having cancer.
3. He put up those numbers while playing in one of the most difficult divisions in recent memory (sans the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, of course)... while having cancer.

Let us also not forget that finding supplies in the locker room would not have proven difficult since Rafael Palmeiro and Brady Anderson were ever present. At least he was able to avoid contact with Roberto Alomar.

That's right, I just added a cancer survivor hero to the OSU club.

Fuck me, I'm going to hell.

Another Chapter to the Book of Porn

I would be doing this blog a disservice if I did not mention Paul Byrd's outing last night. Not because of how he performed during the game, but for how he most likely performed after the game.

I'm sorry to inform you all that I have not yet read the Paul Byrd Porn book, but I absolutely plan on it. I could really care less about how he did (6 scoreless innings), but I really want to know which website he dedicated his time to last night. Also, I wonder if he has a Clemens like clause in his contract so he can avoid away games. If he doesn't, the Red Sox may need to employ one John Kitna (read 1st 3 paragraphs), and the power of God, to ensure he does not slip up in his anti-porn endeavors.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Dave Duncan Cheating!

Note: All opinions and accusations below are completely unsubstantiated, but seriously look at these fucking pitching numbers.

Dave Duncan is a whoring, Battlestar Galactica loving, stripper killer. Wait, that makes no sense? Eh, I'll keep it in there. What this is really about is, could it be possible that Dave Duncan is simply the master of all things pitching. How has he transformed so many shitty pitchers into amazing talents? Could it be possible that he is just smarter than anyone else who has ever picked up a baseball? No. It is not possible. There is something fishy going on in St. Louis, look at these numbers put up by his completely un-talented former pitchers.

Ryan Franklin

4 years as a starter with the Mariners, 1 in the bullpen with the Phillies and the Reds. ERA's of 4.02, 3.57, 4.90, 5.10, 4.54. With a WHIP typically hovering from 1.23 to 1.54 with several years in the 1.40's. His FIP was typically in the low 5.00's. All of these numbers took a drastic turn for the better once he reached St. Louis. As a Cardinal, he has a typical ERA of low 3.00's and this year is at a staggering 1.07. His WHIP tells much the same story, with the Cardinals he has accrued WHIPs of 1.09, 1.47, 0.91 and his FIP has decreased similarly.

This can all be attributed to Dave's miraculous touch, and the frequent rubdowns he gives his pitchers. But this is harder to explain (all of the following numbers are approximate averages based on Fangraphs statistics):

Franklin's fastball velocity: Pre Cardinals-88.8, With Cardinals- 91.3
Contact %: Pre- 86%, w/ Cardinals-81%
Fastball Value: Pre- -12, w/Cardinals- +7

Seems like Mr. Franklin's Fastball got better for seemingly no apparent reason. I wonder if this has happened to any other Cardinal pitchers?

Jason Isringhausen
Fastball Velocity: non Cardinals- 91.1, w/Cardinals-92.4
Contact %: non Cardinals-84.4%, w/Cardinals- 77.0%
Fastball Value: non Cardinals- 1.8, w/Cardinals- 7.7-11.4

Jeff Suppan
Fastball Velocity: non Cardinals- 87.2, w/Cardinals- 88.2
Contact %: non Cardinals- 85.7%, w/Cardinals- 84.3%
Fastball Value: non Cardinals -5.7 to -18.4, w/Cardinals -4.1 to +3.3

Jason Marquis
Fastball Velocity: non Cardinals- 90.3, w/Cardinals- 91.3
Contact %: non Cardinals- 85.1%, w/Cardinals 85.2%
Fastball Value: non Cardinals -7, w/ Cardinals +2 (with one amazing year of -22)

All seemingly shitty pitchers, all with one thing in common: their fastballs were improved greatly by just being on the Cardinals. Four awful pitchers all gain velocity for their years on the Cardinals, how could this have happened?

Clearly, you fucking simpletons are missing the obvious. The mound is 9 inches closer to the plate in St. Louis than in every other stadium. Think about it! Shorter distance to the plate, leads to more zip on the heater, leads to less folks hitting that spicy mustard that Jason Marquis has dripping from his hand. And you kids thought Dave Duncan was a great pitching coach. I'm sorry to inform you that he is simply a cheater.

Introduction to Matty G and How to Win It All

First off, you will find me as the newest contributor to YSSW. When reading my articles you may disagree with everything that I’m saying, and that’s fine. I probably wouldn’t like the shit you would write either. I am going to write articles that may be completely bias, but sooner or later I’m bound to say something intelligent. One thing that has crossed my mind lately is how you should ultimately build a winning team, which is something that my team, Cub fan here, can’t seem to get right.

Having “your” team win a championship is something fans live and die for. I grew up a die hard Cub fan and when I die I will just be another one of those poor saps that never saw the Cubs win a World Series. Being a Cubs fan it seems nearly impossible to win a pennant, but really it’s not all that complicated. It’s the overall teamwork inside outside the organization that will help you take the next step year after year.

So what am I even getting at? Well it is simple.

Build an organization internally, trade for a player here or there, maybe add a free agent or two and BOOM! Hello playoffs. Prepare for that World Series spotlight and win it all.

For example take a look at some of the WS winners this decade. Just look at the Phillies from last year. They were a team led by hardworking, dedicated players that were homegrown. Players like Chase Utley, Cole Hammels, and Ryan Howard. Also Rollins, Burrell, Myers. (Stats from These players were all drafted by the Phillies, and players that helped lead them to the World Series. Here is a closer look at some of the previous World Series winners and their players that were either drafted originally by that team, or acquired via trade for some of prospects from the farm system:

As you can see the only team in the past few years that has been able to win a World Series without a majority of home grown players is the Red Sox. They won the series with free agent acquisitions such as Damon, Ortiz, Ramirez, Mueller, Millar, and so on. Youkilis was there but wasn’t much of a contributor. Other teams, specifically the Phillies, Marlins and Angels stick out the most.

Building a minor league system is how you can create a championship. This is a complete theory of mine, but if you look at any league in professional sports, a draft is a place where a team will succeed or not.

Since I am very pissed at the Cubs right now, I will point out where and why they wont win the World Series, and it lies in the Outfield. Home grown players and traded players consist of their infield and pitching staff, but your key hitters in the line-up, i.e. your corner outfielders, are not getting the job done. Milton Bradley and Soriano were two huge free agent signings that the Cubs had. Same thing with Reed Johnson and Fukudome. That’s four of your top outfielders acquired via free agency. No home grown talent whatsoever. Even more frustrating was the talent they tried to develop, Pie and Patterson, which never worked out.

This article may be a complete waste of time and disappointment, but it comes to show how you must draft and develop your players to win. Having a farm system creates the opportunity to trade players to fill your holes. You can’t buy a championship in MLB. The NFL and NBA are quite different in terms of free agent signings, but if it is anything to prove, free agents wont win you a World Series. The Yankees this year are one of the best teams in the league. Their hopes for a championship solely rely on the free agents that they signed. Will they win the World Series? No! When it is all said and done, L.A. is going to upset L.A. in the World Series.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

A Holliday Better Than Thanksgiving

According to today, Matt Holliday looks to be interested in staying with the Cardinals beyond this season.

After trading for him in late July, I thought that the Cards would have a chance to sign Holliday long term. He grew up in Oklahoma and a Cards fan. Plus, the Cards have had a recent history of appeasing Boras with the Lohse and Ankiel situations. Lastly, he loves the National League. According to my three strikes policy in making arguments, that means he's a lock.

So far today I have done much celebrating and gloating because it means a greater chance of more of this, this, this, and this in the years to come as a Cards fan. While there will be much more of this, this, this, and this for those confined in Wrigley with board game genius roaming right field.

The All Fat Team

Last night, I was watching some baseball highlights when lightning struck me, not literally Plaschke. I was watching some Giants highlights when it struck me. Here at YSSW we need to make an All Fat Team. This will consist of the fattest player I can think of at each position. If I miss someone, you are obligated to put the player I missed in the comments section, and berate my lack of intelligence.

Prince Fielder, First Base. Milwaukee Brewers.

Juan Uribe, Second Base. San Francisco Giants.
Edgar Renteria, Shortstop. San Francisco Giants.
Pablo Sandoval, Third Base. San Francisco Giants
Bengie Molina, Catcher. SAN FRANCISCO GIANTS!!!!

Carlos Lee, Left Field. Houston Astros.
Jay Bruce, Center Field. Cincinnati Reds.
Fernando Tatis, Right Field. New York Mets.
Carsten Charles Sabathia, Pitcher. New York Yankees.
Bobby Jenks, Closer. Chicago White Sox.
Yes, that is right, FOUR Giants on the All Fat Team. Sure Renteria may be a stretch, but shortstop is full of skinny guys. I suppose I could have put Yunie Betancourt, but 4 Giants makes the list look funnier.

Space Time Continuum

Have I told you that I love MLB Network. O, I have, like 15,000 times. Well, here is just another reason why:

During Wednesday nights telecast, Mitch Williams had a little anecdote about how Darren Daulton didn't call pitches for him, he just made a hand gesture, like throw the fucking ball.

What follows is what separates MLB Network from Baseball Tonight.

Joe Magrane: "He didn't need to call the pitch. He was probably predicting the future at that point."

Never would anyone on BBTN say anything negative about someone, or make a joke that was actually funny. Joe Magrane, who I did not like before this comment, made the vault to my favorite analyst. Thank you, Joe.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Revised Cubs WAR pie

One of our favorite sites,, has been calculating WAR pies for several MLB teams this season, one of them being for my beloved Cubs. For casual fans, a WAR pie basically breaks down the individual value/production each player brings to their club and displays it neatly in a USA Today-friendly pie chart.

Let's take a look at the Cubs WAR pie one more time, beautifully drawn up by umpbump's Nick Kapur:

Upon first glance, this seems accurate for 2009. But then I watched the Cubs recent series against the Dodgers, and I decided that umpbump's pie needed a few adjustments.

So behold, YSSW's first foray into WAR pies, with an assessment of the Cubs:

Yep, that's a steaming pile of shit. Any questions?

Having Some Joe Morgan Fun

Since our blog is a complete rip off of anything we have read that was funny, I am stealing another beaut from the FJM guys. I will be calling this segment "Having Some Joe Morgan Fun" (working title, suggestions accepted. And yes, it will be exactly like JoeChat).

Hey everyone...hang on a minute. Joe was traveling this morning but I don't think he's reached his destination yet. He may have run into some travel delays.

The longer Joe is gone the less my eyes will bleed, so this can only be considered a good thing.

Joe is here everyone! His plane was late.

Damn flying machines!

The wild card races are really heating up. I think that's where the most drama will be by the end of the season.

I was expecting the drama to surround the Mets/Nats for which team is least watchable.

Shaun (mobile): should mark reynolds get mvp consieration
Joe: Well, I think he should get some votes, but I don't think he should get any first place votes. You get to pick 10 people. I would say he'll get some votes. Because of his team's place in the standings, I don't think he'll be in the top 3 or 4.

Does this answer the question? Barely. He says that he should get some votes. I'm not positive on how the voting process works (I'm positive it is stupid though), but this question should not have been answered like this. It doesn't make much sense, and this is exactly what I expected.

Dave (nj/wv): joe do what do oyu think the chances of the phils repeatin are? what needs to happen? do you think cliff lee is the best pitcher in baseball right now?

I guess questions like this happen when you are from two completely shitty places.

Joe: They definitely have a chance of repeating. I think the key will be Cole Hamels. If he can get back to being the pitcher he was at the end of last season, with the addition of Lee, I think they have a chance. So, with Hamels and of course Brad Lidge.

The best team in the NL has a chance at repeating. What is that chance? Joe will NEVER say. Is Lee the best pitcher? I think Joe cleared that up with 'so, with Hamels and of course Brad Lidge.'

Karl (Illinois): Are the White Sox finished. I know they are not that far out but with their inconsistency I just don't see them being able to make a run and take the lead. Your thoughts?

I think they call that JoeBait

Joe: I think that's the problem they have. They're inconsistent. For four or five days they look great. Then they can't hit or pitch. But the Tigers are inconsistent on the road. They still have a chance. Minnesota has had some ups and downs as well. I think those three all have a chance at the division, but Chicago is going to have to be more consistent.

Times mentioning some form of "consistent" 5. I expected more from you Joe.

Rob (Alexandria, VA): What kind of changes do you think the Cubs are going to go through in the offseason? It's tough to imagine how to improve the team when the biggest failures seemed to be in players who should have excelled and didn't, how do you fix that?

Joe: Well, the question is, did they overevaluate certain players?

Nope, not the question. You may want to work on your reading comprehension.

Did they mismanage certain players? Those are questions the ownership has to think about. They spent money to purchase players as free agents. The problem lies somewhere in the evaluation of players or in the management of the players.

But, what changes should they make this offseason? New manager? New GM? New players? Those were the questions.

KaTie (Fremulon) This will DEFINITELY be some JoeBait. Is there someone checking these questions and laughing at how Joe will answer them? Did FJM send in a secret agent to do this?

Hey Joe, when you think of all the players in MLB, who do you think is the perfect example of playing the game the right way?

Gary Sheffield! Robinson Cano! Gary Sheffield! I can't decide.

Joe: First of all, I think there are a lot of players who play the game the right now. There's a long list I would have to give you. I was in Anaheim last night and Tori Hunter is one of those guys.

The last person I saw... who was it? O yea, that Torii kid. How many ii's is that. Fuck it, I'm going to spell it wrong.

I was in Boston over the weekend and Derek Jeter is one of those guys. There are a lot of them. We hear that players don't play well or hard, and I disagree with that. Dustin Pedroia. I guarantee I could name you 40 or 50 guys that I think play the game the right way

He cannot name 40 or 50 players. He can only remember the superstars from the games he watched in the past 2 weeks. Sorry.

Shaun (mobile): how long do u think it will be before stratesberg will be pitching for the nationals in the big leagues

Joe: I think he would tell me when he's ready.

Why the fuck would he tell Joe Morgan?!?! "Hey, Joe. I feel like I've matured enough and my command is sick now. We just switched GM's so I have no fucking clue who is running this shit show. Do you think you could tell them I'm ready?"

Steve (Middletown, CT): What do you think about Ben Zobrist for AL MVP consideration?

Joe: There are a lot of guys having a good year on a lot of different teams. But to say that he's an MVP candidate, I don't think so. I think you're looking at Teixiera, Morneau, Mauer. There are guys ahead of him as far as MVP is concerned. But Zobrist is having a good season.

I've never heard of this Zamboni fella. What you are saying he is dominating in OPS, OBP, and SLUG this year, and he is pretty good defensively? I don't care. He is not on the Yankees, a past MVP, or the subject of the question I just answered. I refuse to dignify this question with a feasible response.

There are many more questions with equally bad answers, but I quit trying. Its really quite exhausting listening to an idiot babble on about baseball, isn't it?

Monday, August 24, 2009

Obvious Steroids User 8/24/09


No, this is not one of those lazy posts like I have written for Giambi and Canseco. Yes, I know that Caminiti had no problem with admitting his steroid use.

Instead, let's hop in a time machine together. Let's go back to the year 2000. Before Caminiti's own admission. Before the Mitchell Report. Strange times, right?

Caminiti will not retire until next year, but he has just signed a deal with the Rangers that will pay him $3.5M in the upcoming 2001 season. He will be 38. He's completely washed up. You are pissed that someone like him could hobble around at third making that much money while you are forced to drink Colt 45's because that is all that will fit in your budget.

But you remember him winning the MVP just a few seasons ago. Kind of out of nowhere since you remember him as a mediocre fielder and worse hitter for Astros. So you decide to take a look at the stats.

In eight seasons with Houston, he managed to put up a career line of 896 H/ 75 HR/ 445 RBI/ .260 AVG/ .319 OBP/ .386 SLG. He did get one All Star nod in 1994 for no apparent reason that you can find.

Then Caminiti was shipped to San Diego in the 1994 offseason along with Steve Finley and for Derek Bell, Doug Brocail, and the other Pedro Martinez. Seeing all of the shitty Astros involved in this trade nearly makes you puke.

In the Whale's Vagina, you notice that Ken underwent a few changes.

First, he grew a grody, creepy goatee.

Second, he put a little different statline in FOUR years that looked like this - 592 H/ 121 HR/ 396 RBI/ .295 AVG/ .384 OBP/ and .540 SLG!!!

Third, he went from looking like this to this.

A lightbulb goes off in your head that something might have been wrong during that time in San Diego. Other indications:

- One MVP in 1996 at the age of 33 that consisted of a line that was 40 HR/ .326 AVG/ .408 OBP/ .621 SLG. You compare that to his career in Houston and see a slight discrepency.
- The Padres go to the World Series in 1998. They soon become the most forgotten World Series team of the past 25 years.
- Three Gold Gloves. This doesn't as much indicate steroid use as it does that Gold Glove voting is completely shitty and truly based on batting. Over that timespan ('95 - '97), Caminiti put up the following fielding runs above average... -11.6, 3.0, and -11.2. Very Gold Glove worthy for a third baseman.

After observing all these things, your mind is blown. You don't even have a comprehension of what steroids really are but know that Caminiti did something wrong. You have stumbled upon something brilliant and groundbreaking. You could possibly change the entire course of modern baseball reporting and skepticism.

Instead, you celebrate your accomplishment by treating yourself to a case of Red Dog.

Nine years later, I find your research and use it to name Ken Caminiti the Obvious Steroids User of the week. Welcome to the club, Ken.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Free Agent Watch - Joel Pineiro

Sticking to our prerogative of unoriginality here at Start Wedman, I will jump on the bandwagon and begin a discussion about Joel Pineiro. Like the previously mentioned Chone Figgins, Pineiro will be one of the most interesting players to hit the market this winter.

Thanfully, to save me a bunch of time researching and wallowing about my baseball nerd level, Nick Kapur of Ump Bump did a brilliant job of covering the stats behind Pineiro's season already. My favorite part of the breakdown is the point that although he strikes out fewer batters than a slow pitch softball player (4.07 K per 9), Pineiro has a K to BB ratio (4.17) that competes with aces like Greinke, Verlander, and Lincecum due to his ungodly low 0.94 BB per 9. (Keep in mind all of these stats are current as of last Saturday before he lost control and walked 2 in 7.2 innings against San Diego last night) (Also, suck on those long ass sentences)

When the Cardinals brought Pineiro on board in 2007 with a deadline deal, I was pissed. I thought it was one of the worst moves ever made in St. Louis which I was able to support with Pineiro's god awful 2008 season (in which he managed to give up 22 HRs in 148.2 innings... ouch). Not to mention that he was signed to a two year, $13M deal before the season. I was fuming. In fact, I hated him so much that I wanted to strangle a small child when no one outbid my $1 I threw down on Pineiro during our fantasy draft this season.

But now most of that anger has gone away with his brilliant season. In fact, he is doing so well that I think he has to be thrown into the Cy Young discussion, along with the Comeback Player of the Year. I have come to expect that the Cards will win if they give Pineiro the run support now (which is proving to be easier and easier now with Holliday and Pujols together). Kind of a dangerous thought, but he just keeps pounding the strike zone and getting players to chop those pitches into the ground.

But what kind of contract do you think he ends up with this offseason? And where does he go?

I think it boils down to whether Joel Pineiro (and his agent) want money or success. If they want success, he stays in St. Louis with Duncan and signs a hometown discount deal. I think something like three years at $21-24M. He has had a very good year and should be rewarded, plus I think he has found a gift from heaven with Duncan's two-seamer. Plus, he will have a very good chance of contending for a playoff spot each year with Carp, Wainwright, Pujols, Colby, and (hopefully) Holliday carrying the team. I would be okay with this as a Cards fan especially since he has proven this year that he can be a formidable number three or four in the NL.

However, if Pineiro wants money, I think he will use Lohse's four year, $41M contract as a framework. In the end, if there is a slight bidding war, I think he could fool someone like the Cubs, Mets, Dodgers, or Astros into giving him a four year, $45M deal. He is only 31, but I don't think he would be worth paying this amount (aka, like an ace). There is a relatively thin right-handed free agent market that includes Rich Harden, John Lackey, Carl Pavano, Brad Penny, and Brett Myers. Only Harden and Myers are younger. And I would argue that Pineiro is better than all but Harden (although he is a high injury risk) and Lackey. This could create a bidding war for Joel after Harden and Lackey are signed... which sounds really fucking weird, but could definitely be true. That's why I count on some desperate dumbass like Omar Minaya salivating over Pineiro's services.

I don't see any AL team wanting to bring him in. I think he would get crushed having to face more potent lineups with a DH. The last thing Pineiro needs is to be facing the Red Sox, Yankees, Rays, or Angels more than once a year.

Those are my thoughts... what are yours?

AL Central Race: Peavy vs Washburn

The AL Central Race is getting closer and closer, which has made me grow more and more restless. During my bout with insanity, I've been attempting to make a case, in my own mind, of why the With Sox will win the division. Instead of keeping these nuggets of information solely to myself I decided to write them out, and share them with you good folks.

The first edition of crazy ramblings will be about the big pitching additions both clubs made. Lucky for me, both clubs made a lot of similar moves at the deadline, and then again at the next deadline. Lucky for you, I have the ingenuity to bring you the morsels of knowledge I tend to drop.

What got me started on this was this question: Was Jarrod Washburn ever good? I know he had one freakishly good year with the Angels, but other than that has he ever been good? I settle on no. He is not good. He will not be good in the future. He is not that good in the present. Then, I went on a mission to prove my previous statements correct.


Washburn has won more than 15 games once in his career: in 2002 he won 18. Other than that he has been hovering around 10 or 11 with just as many losses. Jake Peavy on the other hand has won 15 games twice with one freakishly good year in 2007. Okay, wins are a stupid stat because Washburn has played on the Angels (very good) and Mariners (very bad), while Peavy has played with offenses that have always been very bad. So, lets look at better stats.

Washburns career ERA is 4.05 with a low of 3.15 in 2002 and typically hovering around the mid 4.00's. Jake Peavy has a 3.29 with a low of 2.27, and is typically around the mid 3.00's. Well, Peavy has been pitching in Petco while Washburn throws in more normal parks, so Peavy's ERA+ is 3.56 while Washburn's is 4.10. Some other typical numbers, Peavy vs Washburn: Strike outs 210 vs 115, K/BB 3.10 vs 1.96, HR/9 .90 (will go up in the Cell) vs 1.15, FIP 3.47 vs 4.57 (ouch I was hoping Peavy would be better in that one). Still, in most categories Peavy has been much better than Washburn. O, and Peavy is 6 years younger 28 vs 34, and coming into his prime years.


This seems to lead to the fact that Peavy is plenty better than Washburn. But we all knew this right? I sure as fuck knew it. Then why the fuck were Tigers fans so happy about getting Washburn? Mainly, because he has been having a good year. How good has his year been though?

He has 8 wins with Seattle, and 0 wins with Detroit (Suckas). Washburn has a 3.18 ERA, 92 K's, 2.36 K/BB, a 4.32 FIP, and a .243 BABIP. Wait, he has a .243 BABIP! That is insanely low, meaning he has been insanely lucky this year. Hopefully, that will all turn around in the stretch run, and teams will start a feeding frenzy.

Now, lets look at Peavy's injury shortened season: 6-6, 3.97 ERA, 92 K's, 3.29 K/BB, 3.01 FIP, and .310 BABIP. That means Peavy has been slightly unlucky this year. Which will hopefully right itself once he cranks it back up for the White Sox.

Looks, like a pretty good present for the Sox. The FIP numbers aren't quite what I was hoping from Peavy, but Washburn's extremely lucky season has to turn around sometime right?


Cot's Baseball Contracts has Peavy with 3 years $52 mil still left on the books, while Washburn will be a free agent at the end of this year with the contract currently of 4 years 37.5 mil. This might be a win for the Tigers, if they have the foresight to not resign him. If they make the mistake of resigning, they will surely pay for it. Baseball Prospectus predicts huge attrition for Washburn, resulting in him being out of baseball by 2012. Also, predicting his wins, innings pitched, and ERA all to take a turn for the worse.

Baseball Prospectus predicts Peavy will have a lot of success these next couple of years, maintaining and ERA in the mid 3.00's and a large total of wins. All good things for the White Sox. Now remember, the switch to the much smaller US Cellular Field will make things harder for Peavy, but he has shown that he is a good pitcher, and will continue to be.

So, as far as the major deadline pitching acquisitions, it looks like the White Sox took a giant leap forward, while the Tigers took a small gamble at a small leap forward. All in all, that's a win for the White Sox.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

The Cover Up

I started reading this story simply for the humor that a good injury cover up can give. Also, there was a picture of Jeff Kent on the front story, which always seals the deal on me reading. What forced me to regurge this pseudo-FJM style:

Myers, on a rehab assignment with Philadelphia's Class A farm team in Clearwater, Fla., missed a start Saturday after suffering an injury to his left eye. He told the club that he hurt himself playing catch with his little boy, then 'fessed up and said he tripped and fell while exiting his wife's Cadillac Escalade after a night of dinner and a couple of beers.

Does anyone believe this story??? Seriously, Brett Myers, black eye, Brett Myer's wife all in the same sentence. Somehow, Jerry Cransnick failed to mention another headline with these contributors. Brett Myers, where beating your wife on a public street happens.

Phillies general manager Ruben Amaro released a statement calling the accident "unfortunate," and Myers told the Philadelphia Inquirer that he changed course because the first account made him feel "like an idiot."

On a related note, Myers was proud when his wife beating story came out.

A few months later, amid reports that he hurt himself while roughhousing, Padres pitcher David Wells quickly set the record straight: He said he severed a tendon in his wrist while tripping over a bar stool in his kitchen, and the incident was portrayed as just another case of "Boomer being Boomer."

Thank you for making a great "Player X being Player X" reference. I hadn't heard that in awhile. Also, no one cared that Boomer was drunk because 90% of the time any baseball fan saw him he was drunk (like when he was pitching). I'm just surprised this hasn't happened to Todd Hundley.

Jeff Kent's motorcycle accident

The mother of all fabrications. Kent, fresh off his third straight All-Star appearance in San Francisco, fractured his wrist early in spring training in 2002. He told the Giants that he slipped and fell while washing his Chevy pickup at a self-service car wash in Scottsdale, Ariz.

He very well could have been beating his wife too, or grooming his mustache, or murdering strippers.

Kent responded vaguely when confronted with the police report. General manager Brian Sabean was furious, and the Giants put Kent in his place by making him begin the season on the disabled list against his will.

Yea, I'm going to pay you to do nothing, when you're not that hurt. Suck a fat one! You showem Sabean.

Clint Barmes' venison adventure

First, Barmes said he broke his collarbone when he tripped and fell on some stairs while carrying a bag of groceries. Then he amended the story to reveal that he was carrying a package of deer meat given him by teammate Todd Helton.

How are these stories different? Trips while carrying groceries, or trips while carrying meat. Unless it happened because Todd Helton booby trapped the meat (very possible).

On the third go-round, Barmes inserted the part about how he'd spent a June day in 2005 riding all-terrain vehicles with Helton and Brad Hawpe at Helton's ranch outside Denver.

On a completely unrelated note: Barmes hobbies include para sailing, scuba diving, and juggling flaming midgets. Guess which one Todd Helton encourages?

And it placed him in the upper echelon of food-related injuries -- right up there with Bret Barberie's rubbing habanero chili juice in his eyes while inserting contact lenses and Kevin Mitchell's needing a root canal from a chocolate doughnut that he left in a microwave too long.

How were each of these not more prominent?

Joe Beimel's night on the town

Beimel, a bullpen mainstay for the Dodgers' 2006 NL wild-card team, decided to drop into a Manhattan bar and watch the Eagles and Packers on "Monday Night Football" two nights before the opener of the National League Division Series with the Mets. Bad call. Sometime around 2:30 a.m., Beimel cut his left hand while dropping a beer bottle, and the blood wouldn't stop flowing. Upon returning to the team hotel, he initially told a Dodgers trainer that he had injured himself while drinking beer in his room.

How dare he! Lie about his raucous hotel room drinking, when we really know he was in a bar. I suppose worse things could happen at bars.

The ruse didn't last long.

Turns out the Hardy Boys broke this case.

"Our disappointment is unlimited," Little told reporters.

Possibly my favorite quote ever.

Carl Pavano's car accident

Pavano was always forthcoming in telling the Yankees about the shoulder, elbow, buttocks and back injuries that dogged him in his four seasons with the club. But when he broke two ribs in a car accident in August 2006 and kept it hidden from the team for almost two weeks, management was livid.

So this is why Pavano sucked for 6 years. It all makes sense now.

... and some people had a good laugh at Pavano's expense.

Raise your hand if you are one of those people. (America's collective hand being raised)

The New York Post ran the headline "Crash Dummy," and Daily News columnist Mike Lupica referred to the pitcher as "NASCAR Carl Pavano."

Mike Lupica has many jokes.

Dan Miceli, Bash Brother

Florida reliever Dan Miceli arrived in spring training in 2000 with five stitches in his right hand, a cut on his elbow and a whopper of a story. Miceli told Marlins officials and the media that he suffered the injury in a fight with four "hippie rednecks" outside a bar in Orlando. Miceli said one of the men had been "hitting on" his wife, and pulled a knife and slashed him during the subsequent dispute.

Do I need to comment. This is funny enough. Just read the quoted items. I wonder if shoulder punching was a problem?

Not exactly. According to the local police, Miceli suffered the injuries during a family dispute. A police report said that Miceli and his brother, Richard, got into an argument at the kitchen table and were exchanging punches when their mother intervened.

So, the made up story was far worse than the actual story. HILARIOUS.

"It's not like I'm out there killing people, smoking drugs or raping women or anything like that,"

How can this be the second best quote in the article. Thank you Cransick for writing this. It provided me with hours of entertainment.

Jesus Colome and his "problem"

Sometimes teams can elicit the biggest guffaws by trying to convey information in the most delicate manner possible. After placing Colome on the disabled list with a "soft tissue injury in a lower right extremity" in June 2007, the Washington Nationals delved into greater detail and revealed that Colome was suffering from an infection in his right buttocks.

Was it an anal fissure? Did he catch it from Kaz Matsui?

I only started reading this because of a picture of Jeff Kent. I came out with two amazing quotes, and a lot of laughter. I am thankful for Todd Helton's booby traps, players drinking, and anal fissures.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Pudge & Rangers Reunite

In a move to counter the Mariners reliving their golden era in the 90's, the Texas Rangers have brought back Pudge. You know this only means one thing. A new steroids era. More OSU material. More headaches for the Big Weiner.

I want this. Give it to me, Tom Hicks.

Please re-sign Juan Gonzalez. Please re-sign Jose Canseco. Please re-sign Rafael Palmeiro. Please trade for A-Rod. Please raise Ken Caminiti from the dead.

Alright, maybe one of those is a little outlandish... Jose is a New York Times bestselling author and may not want to give up his day job.

So I will keep my expectations a little more realistic. Have Pudge give current Rangers some juice. God knows that Andruw Jones could use another injection since his body has been longing for it for five years. Think about Josh Hamilton on steroids. That might be awesome.

Or imagine Pudge on meth. That might be awesomer.

Rays and Red Sox, one of you will be able to thank Tom Hicks for your postseason success come October following this terrible terrible move.

You Lucked Out

Now that that asshole Brett Favre decided to return to the Vikings it means that I will no longer be paying attention to football.

You may be saying, "Okay, who gives a fuck that some has-been quarterback signed with your favorite team? How does this effect us?"

Well, as of 8/18/2009, I am no longer a football fan. This means that I can put all of my attention, and thoughts toward this blog, and entertaining the masses. So, really this worked out fantastic for you, our millions of readers.

I can not post a picture of Favre. I will just remember the Viking glory days.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Obvious Steroids User 8/17/09

This is going to be another shitty post like the Canseco one. Sorry. I have a lot of moving stuff around and cougar hunting at Target to do in Valpo today.

JASON GIAMBI is taking this week's OSU prize.

Not really a tough call. Canseco called out the way he bloated up like a balloon. He was caught in the Mitchell Report. He admitted his wrongdoings. His numbers dove off a cliff like the end of that beginning level in fucking Goldeneye. And of course, he had to resort to questionable clothing in order to try and revive his career. I hope that summary satisfies you.

Irregardless of your satisfaction, I will be spending my afternoon scouring Target for Kitty Kat. Welcome to the club, Giambino.

Friday, August 14, 2009

All Time Team: Right Field

Cooly and I makes some picks for who is the best Right Fielder ever, and you guys get to argue if we were right, and who we left out. Without further ado:

Right Field

ZACH: Let's start this debate by throwing out the two names that don't quite make the upper echelon of the Right Field debate: Tony Gwynn and Ichiro.

I really struggled on whether or not I should put Tony
Gwynn in this debate, mainly because his high, nasally voice makes me want to punch him. He is no where near the caliber of player that the two main guys are (settle down, you will find them out shortly). However, Tony Gwynn was one of the greatest hitters of his generation, and I owe it to him and baseball to at least show his stat line: 19 seasons (not quite as long as most people we've been bringing up), 3,141 H/ 1,383 R/ 135 HR/ .338 AVG/ .388 OBP/ .459 SLUG. 15 time All Star, 7 time silver slugger, 5 time gold glove winner, and he never batted below .309 in a full season. Yea, maybe he isn't too much better than say Robin Yount, but when I was little I remember Gwynn as simply a great contact hitter. For that, I am putting him in the arguement.

COOLY: I really wanted to pick Ichiro. I am known to have a little yellow fever like the guy who picks the Hot Baseball Wife over at Ump Bump. But I couldn’t. There are simply too many greats who have roamed right field in the end. However, let me throw out Ichiro’s numbers just so that he can be in the discussion at least. He broke into the league in 2001 at the age of 27. In the past eight and a half seasons he has put up a gaudy line of 1972 H/ 951 R/ 80 HR/ 333 AVG/ .378 OBP/ .433 SLG, and 338 SB. He has never had fewer than 200 hits (I’m counting on him doing it again this year) or played less than 157 games. This dude is the real machine that ESPN should be annoying. Ichiro has lead the league in hits five times (and is on pace to do so again this year) and batting average (and intentional walks… WTF?) twice. In his rookie season, he pulled a Fred Lynn and wrapped up the ROY and MVP. Also tack on 9 All Star selections and 8 Gold Gloves. All of this after being a three time MVP with the Blue Wave. Oh, and he wants to pitch eventually.

ZACH: Now it comes down to the only two guys really in this debate: Hank Aaron and Babe Ruth. Which one would you take? One was the model of a consistent home run hitter for decades, the other revolutionized the game into a power friendly sport.

Hank Aaron did everything right at the plate. He hit for average, he hit for power, and he was up there almost every game for somewhere around 64 seasons. His actual stat line: 23 seasons, 3,771 H/ 2,174 R/ 755 HR/ 2,297 RBI/ .305/ .374/ .555. Gaudy. Every number on there makes him sound like a freak. He could also steal some bases, 31 in 1963, and was regarded as an above average right fielder. Both of these guys home run prowess has already been covered enough, but his consistency made him great. 21 time All Star, one MVP, one World Series. Holds the record for most career RBI, extra base hits, and total bases. All time he is 3rd in hits, 4th in runs, 2nd in at bats, and 3rd in games.

Babe Ruth made baseball great. Babe Ruth was not a baseball player, he was a legend, a tall tale. Any story that is around now about the Babe is surely of mythological status. How many athletes have ever reached that peak? Babe Ruth has better numbers than just about everyone who has ever played baseball, with the exception of Hank Aaron, but he did it in a time when these numbers were unheard of. 20 seasons, 2,873 H/ 2,174 R/ 714 HR/ 2,217 RBI/ .342/ .474/ .690. Seriously, look at his on base and slugging!!! They are remarkable. His awards don't really transfer, well, because they didn't have awards when he played. However he did win 7 World Series, 10th highest BA of all time, and highest slug, and OPS all time. He is often regarded as the greatest player of all time, and I can not argue with that. When Ruth was in his prime he hit home runs better than anyone in the history of the game. While he did not quite have the longevity of Aaron, his numbers were put together in such a short period of time, he is unquestionably the greatest home run hitter ever.

COOLY: I have to pick Hank Aaron. He transcended the game the way Jackie Robinson did while also crushing the Babe’s record. If I had to choose one man to ever represent baseball, it would be Aaron.

And that is my second black player. Now you know why I couldn’t pick Cobb to be on my team.

Zach: My pick is Ruth. He changed how people thought of baseball players. He made baseball a national passtime, and beloved by everyone. He hit home runs, then was so cool he would tag children in to run the bases for him. That is a badass. O, not to mention Billy Beane would have a heart attack if he had the opportunity to acquire Ruth.

That makes 0 black people for me, and three players that played before WWII. You would think I was raised a Red Sox fan.

Cooly's Worst – Trot Nixon

Zach's Worst- Eric Byrnes. I didn't call Byrnes' name in either of the other posts, and this was my last chance.