Monday, August 31, 2009

Obvious Steroids User 8/31/09

This post is going to be the hardest one so far.

No, it's not Pujols. I knew that you automatically started thinking about that possibility. But that will never happen on my watch, even if he is caught with a needle hanging out of his ass like a monkey's tail.

Instead, this post hurts the most because of the high Hudson douche factor.

The Obvious Steroids User this week is ERIC DAVIS.


I actually have no problem in Davis' statistics with the Reds, Dodgers, and Tigers from 1984-1997. Although if you look at the numbers, there are some fluky looking and injury-ridden seasons (especially 1996) that look odder than a Lady Gaga concert.

But there is a better answer to some of that inconsistency; his lifetime best friend was Darryl Strawberry. Have you ever tried to play baseball with a nosebleed? Honestly, it's impossible.

Here's where the Hudson douche factor kicks in... Eric Davis came down with a bout of colon cancer in 1997. (Strangely, Strawberry gets the same cancer a year later. Makes you wonder what kind of fucked up shit they were doing together.)

In 1998 at the age of 36, he won the Comeback Player of the Year in Baltimore with a line of 28 HR/ 89 RBI/ .327 AVG/ .388 OBP/ .582 SLG in 131 games.

Here are the suspicious things about those stats:

1. He put up a SLG % that is exactly 100 points higher than his career mark... while having cancer.
2. Those 131 games are tied for the third most he has ever managed to play in his 17-year career. He did this... while having cancer.
3. He put up those numbers while playing in one of the most difficult divisions in recent memory (sans the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, of course)... while having cancer.

Let us also not forget that finding supplies in the locker room would not have proven difficult since Rafael Palmeiro and Brady Anderson were ever present. At least he was able to avoid contact with Roberto Alomar.

That's right, I just added a cancer survivor hero to the OSU club.

Fuck me, I'm going to hell.

1 comment:

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