Friday, August 7, 2009

WGN sucks.

I don't care what you say, watching Susan Sarandon and Kevin Costner get it on in Bull Durham is still less appealing to me than being forced to watch some unholy mix between gay porn and snuff films. I have been more turned on watching Kathy Bates jump into a hot tub naked with Jack Nicholson. Sick.

Moving on, I hate WGN. I hate it with a fiery passion that pushes me closer and closer to the edge of insanity. They are both liars and thieves - thieves of my time. WGN claims to be both the "official" station of both the Cubs and the White Sox. This is both physically impossible and must be some kind of joke. Sometimes the game schedules conflict. Can't play them both, can you? In those instances, they almost always play the Cubs games. Which blows for me, being in St. Louis.

I finally broke down and downloaded a schedule of White Sox games being shown by WGN, which is somewhere around 15 less over the course of the season than the Cubs have on WGN. So I sit down with some wine, some beer, and some yogurt (odd mix, I know), turn on the television, and, lo and behold, the game isn't on. It's America's Funniest Home videos, and not the fun kind, either. God, that man might be the second coming of Christ. Then I come to find out that its on a WGN network, but not the main channel. I almost broke my television, which would have been fine because I wouldn't have been able to see the game, anyway. I ended up doing what I usually do: following the game on ESPN Gamecast, just like I did for Buehrle's perfect game. I can't tell you how exciting it is watching that little ball graphic going from the pitchers mound a few pixels down to the batter, then watching it sail into the air before falling somewhere in the diamond. I jumped for joy watching Scott Podsednik's ball fall into the outfield and the runner's yellow icon move it's way to home base. Wahoo. This is my tv. In the meantime, I was taking Northwestern to the Rose Bowl on NCAA '08, because finishing the season undefeated isn't good enough in that damn game.

So I continued to smash the wine and beer in my depression, eventually running outside into the rain with my fist to the sky promising doom and destruction to WGN. Why, in God's name, would you play a re-run of AFHV when there is a baseball game on? Who the hell are you catering to? I hate you, WGN. I freaking HATE you.


  1. Does anyone else find Susan Sarandon's eyes to be super buggy?

    I think I might watch Robin Hood now that I have been thinking about Kevin Costner's greatness.

  2. I don't blame you, though Marian isn't that much hotter. I WOULD touch Alan Rickman, though.

  3. Or what about a "The Mailman" drinking game?

  4. Maybe it has something to do with WGN being part of the Tribune Company which used to be/still kind of is the owner of the Cubs?

  5. That tribune company issue is what I was thinking. Did the rights to WGN go through with the sale of the Cubs? I suppose even if it didn't whats left of the Tribune Company would still feature the Cubs more, since there are plenty more Cubs fans than Sox fans (I hear Chicago is split approximately 66% Cubs 34% Sox). And WGN Superstation probably plays way more Cubs games because there are Cubs fans all around the country.