Friday, September 4, 2009

Introducing Mr. Anonymous with a Running Diary

Since Mr. Anonymous didn't feel like giving a brief bio, I (Zach) will be giving a brief bio. I also have no clue who Mr. Anonymous is (wink), so I will be giving his bio on what I think he may be like. Most likely he is also a recent graduate from our great Alma Mater, Valparaiso University. I also see Mr. Anonymous as a young gentleman, most likely in excess of 250 lbs, unemployed and living in his mother's house. Way to completely live up to the stereotype, jackass. Mr. Anonymous' hobbies most likely include a nocturnal lifestyle, running in the park (only when a young easily stalked co-ed is nearby), and posing in chat rooms as a 14 year old girl. (All things Anonymous people do) As always, we here at StartWedman encourage our readers to send in submissions, and here is Mr. Anonymous':

Semi running journal of the Cubs vs. Sox make-up game---WGN broadcast (Cubs)

First Inning

1. Top 1

a. Thank you, ivy, for claiming another baseball. It is kind of like hitting it over the fence in The Sandlot.

b. Maybe El Chupacabra lives in the ivy…

c. 1-5-3-4 double play after two run downs in the first inning of the Cubs vs. Sox game

d. Bob takes a shot at Ozzie by saying the Sox are bad at base running because the visitor’s clubhouse is too small

e. Derek Lee is a father.

f. Pierzynski is batting 3rd, wow

2. Bottom 1

a. Nothing eventful happened. Mainly spent it watching clips about The Sandlot

3. Top 2

a. 3 pitches 2 outs

b. I know Ryan Dempster. My fiancĂ©’s aunt was one of the nurses that treated Dempster’s baby in Arizona after it was born and had birth problems. The baby is now ok, and she got free tickets to the Cubs vs. D-backs game in AZ. So therefore I know Ryan Dempster.

c. Pick-off attempt, man that was bad-E3.

d. Is Alexi Ramirez the love child of Sammy Sosa and Alfonso Soriano? Yes he is. Terrible base running-caught stealing

4. Bottom 2

a. Milton is batting cleanup…the Cubs suck. Also Milton is single handily responsible for deforestation with all of his broken bats.

b. I follow Len and Bob on twitter

c. Bob is with me on Alexi being related to Soriano

d. The rival to the Rockies are the Mariners-hmm

5. Top 3

a. Re-showing of Dwayne Wise’s amazing catch to save Buehrle’s perfect game. My mom picked Gabe Kapler that day for Beat The Streak, boom roasted.

b. Pods you are not as good as you have played this year, major overachieving.

6. Bottom 3

a. I missed the first couple pitches due to watching Bring it On: All or Nothing. Rihanna is in it (insert joke here, depending on your Hudson Douche Factor)

b. Do you get more hardass then Koyie Hill? He basically cut his hand off and is playing again.

c. Dempster sporting the new batting helmet style, it makes your head look huge.

i. I was going to write an article for YSSW about base coaches, but kind of ran out of steam on it (Zach was crying about a lack of contribution from supporters). So this is a mini tangent in reference to that. Will Glenallen Hill wear a next generation helmet soon? He did hit a homerun onto a rooftop outside Wrigley so I guess he can do what he wants. (Man, steroids were cool) Marquis Grissom is the first base coach for the Nationals, his nickname is Grip. Did the Nats bring him on to give sweet nicknames to their slightly ghetto outfielders? Or just to hang out with Dmitri Young aka Da Meat Hook. How often does Larry Bowa give signs that were not sent from the dugout? My guess is 10%.

d. Bob referred to a human head as “your dome,” he is hood.

7. Top 4

a. Quentin gets hit by many pitches. Bob and Len just showed why they are the best, by delivering stats about his pro streaks of getting hit and minor league HBP information on him.

b. Who is the baseball equivalent of Marissa Cooper? I think Brett Favre is the football version.

8. Bottom 4

a. Better throwing arm: Pods or Juan Pierre?

b. Soriano=terrible

c. Cubs blow scoring opportunity

9. Top 5

a. Speaking of great nicknames Ryan “The Riot” Theriot

b. Ramirez should have been caught stealing twice-I don’t like him

c. Only bad part of playing at Wrigley today, no “The Outfield” for when Beckham comes to bat.

10. Bottom 5

a. During the commercial break got a brownie and a beer

b. Are you kidding me Wise?

c. Bob loves music and talking about music

11. Top 6

a. During that commercial went to get the mail, dropped it all down the stairs…

b. Oh man Bob said it. Carolos Quinton is like Jose Conseco, nice (that should be a future article topic).

c. Another HBP, time to back up your word Ozzie. I want a rumble.

12. Bottom 6

a. Scott the Pirate is in the new Valpo brochure thing I got. “Who is Scott the Pirate?” “The guy who looks like a pirate.” “Oh ya, Evan’s friend who looks like a Pirate.”

b. Bob’s name for Lee’s new son=Bren. Not to be out down Len comes back with Brad…Brad Lee. Great TV. So funny to me!

13. Top 7

a. That was un-eventful.

b. Ron Santo gets to sing the Seventh Inning Stretch again? He does it like 20 times a season.

14. Bottom 7

a. Jake Fox…will you be a good major leaguer? I predict Garret Atkins like.

b. Soriano=terrible, again

c. I hate you Wise.

d. I only refer to Jeff Baker as Rube Baker.

15. Top 8

a. Are you kidding me Soriano? How does that happen?

b. Bob wants him benched because he is a non-factor, I concur.

c. Very disappointed in this game so far…

d. Cubs and Sox: two of the top three teams in getting shut out this year

16. Bottom 8

a. Aaron Miles=worst player in baseball

b. This is not good at all, not happy and getting disinterested

17. Top 9

a. Len said the Cubs don’t have any good young prospects. I believe the last one was Felix Pie, that turned out well.

b. Screw you Pods

c. The wheels are falling off

d. They came off

18. Bottom 9

a. Bradley you suck too

b. Soriano=so terrible

c. Cubs played like crap, I have nothing else. Sitting and drinking more in disgust.

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