Thursday, September 3, 2009

Morrissey, As Always, Is An Idiot

I'm sorry to have to break this to our many loyal readers, but I may have to scale back my posting a little, because I basically found myself employed this past week. I now feel like a hack. What kind of blogger has a job? Anyways, we will be looking more toward you, our beloved readers, for guests posts. Its real simple, write up your post, send it to any of the email links on the upper right portion of the page, and wait for us to post your far inferior thoughts.

On another note, it seems Rick Morrissey has some stupid comments he would like to share with the public.

Is there no more room for imagination in numbers-obsessed baseball?

Clearly, there isn't. Imagination faded with the popularity of Gak!

I'm not talking about creativity. I'm talking about making room in your imagination for the possibility of something special happening, regardless of what the numbers might suggest.

This blog does not condone creativity, imagination, or fresh ideas. So, you are already off to a bad start. Especially when it comes to blogging. What are these numbers? The only stats I care about are the important ones like batting average, pitchers Wins, errors, and saves.

The White Sox are seven games out of first place with a month left in the season, and their general manager has let everyone know the team is finished.

I think their play actually forced the General Managers hand here. The White Sox have been playing awfully since the All-Star break. If anything, the GM Kenny Williams has done everything in his power to light a fire under this club. He has acquired a former Cy Young winner and an up and coming young outfielder. How have the players rewarded his shrewd-ness? By going 2-9 against the Orioles, Yankees, and Red Sox.

Did the Rockies think the same thing in 2007, when they were six games behind in the wild-card race on Sept. 1? They won 14 of their last 15 regular-season games and made it to the World Series. Or how about the 1969 Mets, who trailed the Cubs by 8 1/2 games in mid-August and, well, you know what happened? Or the 1935 Cubs, who went 23-1 after Aug. 31 to win the National League pennant? Or any of the other teams that have done the unthinkable by going on a September run to the playoffs?

The White Sox finish the season up with these series: MIN, DET, CLE, DET. 12 games against division rivals, 9 games against other teams battling for the same division crown. If the White Sox were to win 12 out of 12 of those games, they would be a very compelling playoff team, however, that seems unlikely. Also, out of 100 some odd years of baseball Morrissey can think of 3 teams that pulled a miraculous end of the year winning streak out of their asses. Seems like it was pretty logical for the White Sox to focus up on next year, and shed Thome and Contreras.

But GM Ken Williams has looked at his team and started passing out toe tags. After sending a memo to the other teams listing the players he was willing to trade, he sent Jim Thome to the Dodgers for a 26-year-old Class A infielder. Can you imagine that? A guy with 23 home runs and 74 runs batted in, and you get next to nothing in return.

Jim Thome was not going to be on the White Sox next year. To obtain a compensatory draft pick, the Sox would have had to offer a contract to Thome. Williams could not gamble that Thome may accept the contract. So, why not trade him for a guy who's ceiling is utility player? That is all they were going to get for his services. And why be sad for Thome? He goes to a team with a damn good shot at the World Series, and he is in the twilight of a great career. Why not let him cap off that career with a ring?

The Sox have six games remaining against Detroit, which is in first place in the American League Central. Trading Thome, as well as dangling Jermaine Dye and Scott Linebrink, is capitulation. It's surrender. It's telling everyone -- players, fans, innocent bystanders -- that it's over.

That is because it IS over.

Maybe it is.

Uh thank you.

But we never will know if it truly was, because the season didn't have a chance to play itself out.

There are something around 30 games left in the season. The Sox played slightly above average for half of it, they played below average for the second half. Why not adjust the focus to next year, and worry about player development for the final month of the season?

Is there a stats-freak formula that suggests when to shut down a season?

Why, yes! The Sox have a 10% chance of making the playoffs. Slim, but not 0. Still, I would rather focus on next years team.

Is a six-game deficit on Aug. 31 similar to a bad OPS, OBP or Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da?

He seriously wrote that. I'm not sure if I even have a comment. I implore our readers to think of negative reactions to this comment.

If I have this straight, the Sox acquired Jake Peavy and Alex Rios for a playoff run, and then when things didn't go well, the club ran with its tail between its legs.

Does that about sum it up?

Not quite. Those guys are also signed for future years, and with an incredibly weak 2010 Free Agent class, the Sox aren't poised to make many off season moves.

And while we're asking questions, since when did Trader Kenny become Traitor Kenny?

Shocked! Awed! Embarrassed!

The Sox Summer Clearance Sale is reminiscent of the White Flag trade of 1997.

Nope. Not even slightly. I'm so angry about this comment. What did the Sox give up!!!!!! An old DH that wasn't producing? A player that wasn't coming near the 2010 team? And the trade in 1997 brought the White Sox tons of prospects that built the foundation of several good Sox teams of the 2000s. In the long run, that was not a bad trade at all, bringing in Keith Foulke, Bobby Howry, Mike Caruso, and Ken Vining for Wilson Alvarez, Danny Darwin, and Roberto Hernandez.

That team was 3 1/2 games out of first place on July 31 when Chairman Jerry Reinsdorf decided to trade Wilson Alvarez, Roberto Hernandez and Danny Darwin for six minor-leaguers.

This team is seven games behind the Tigers -- a good, not great club -- and despite the Sox's recent difficulties, there is a month left to play. Hope for a late-season charge exists when you have decent veterans.

3.5 games out with 2 months left= 7 games out with 1 month, when you are a complete dumbass.

Williams wants to go younger. Understandable. But with a month left in the season, he sees no way the Sox are going to make a run for a division title? What an awful reflection on the organization.

He traded away 1 mediocre DH. He did not trade away the future of the team, or the heart of the team. He traded away a player with a 1.6 WAR. That is good, but far from great, and even farther from untouchable.

You can look at Monday's maneuverings as an indication that Peavy's arm problems are a lot worse than the Sox are letting on. Or you can look at it that the Sox are wringing their hands over how much they will be paying Rios and Peavy.

Or they simply didn't want to pay 2.5 million to an aging veteran who was not going to help this years, or any future, White Sox teams.

Or you can just roll your eyes and shake your head.

Only at your opinions.

...If it were just Thome being dealt and if Williams had gotten something, anything for him, this might not be such a big deal. But the idea that Williams was ready to trade other veterans is. Taken as a whole, it's a dark day.

Hundreds of players get put on waivers. It is not a big deal that a few high salary veterans like Dye and Linebrink got placed there. Seriously, way to make a story out of a complete non-issue. On a side note, has there ever been more of a hullabaloo about players placed on the waivers? Every sports writer in America shit their pants every time another name came out. Big fucking deal. The Angels placed Vlad on waivers only to take him back off 12.5 minutes later. I'm so fucking jazzed. Thanks for reporting that.

You can blame it on the Metrodome if you want.

What?!?!?! Why the fuck would I blame it on the Metrodome? What sense would that make? Why would one blame the Jim Thome trade on the Metrodome? Why is this even in here? If anyone can give me a fucking hunch as to why this was put in here, I will give them a sexual surprise. I understand that the Sox don't win at the Humphrey Dome. I understand that the Sox probably played there around the same time of this article, but why put it in here? Simply for the shock of the statement?

**Editors Note** After reading this paragraph, Zach murdered 7 strippers. Being that he was in Burton, he had to drive 50 minutes to the nearest strip club, and still enraged murdered 7 strippers in cold blood.

In any case, Sox fans now have something in common with Cubs fans: next year.

This writing is why I am greying at age 22.


  1. I was going to read this when I thought it was about musical artist Morrissey, however once I figured out it was about Rick Morrissey, I just quit. I figured what was the point.

  2. It's true, I could put every single one of his columns on this website, under the title "Things Not to Read"

  3. I enjoy the way you get progressively angrier throughout the entire post. I could feel your rage.

    Also, I'm blaming all drunken mistakes I make this weekend on the Metrodome.

  4. When you refer to drunken mistakes, you should give her name so we can make fun of you.

  5. The hooker in Amsterdam will remain nameless.

  6. She has always been nameless since I never asked for it.