Thursday, September 3, 2009

The Point Of No Return

No, this is not a post reviewing a shitty 1993 movie with the ever popular Michael Rappaport. Nor is it coverage of a super gay song. (5,000,000 points to whomever can sit through that entire clip)

Instead, this post will be a culmination of my thoughts regarding the episode of Shaq Vs. featuring a home run derby versus Albert Pujols.

Now, I was going to originally do a live blog of this show back on Tuesday, however I was not in the mindset that could even possibly make logical assumptions about the show. Actually, I probably should have. Damn it.

But anyways, I wanted to watch it over again and make a few quick observations before you leave yours in the comments:

- How does Shaq fit into a seat at the game? I can barely fit into one. Then again, I am super fat.
- JOHN MABRY!!!!! Need I say more?
- As a kid, could there be anything cooler than having Shaq buy ice cream for you? I think not. Even at the age of 22, this is still probably the coolest thing that could ever happen to me.
- How awkward is Ryan Ludwick throughout this show? When he first appears, he doesn't even get mentioned. He just awkwardly gawks at Shaq for a little bit. Then during the home run derby, he acts like that creepy dude in the corner at parties. Actually... why am I surprised that Ryan Ludwick is awkward?
- Really Shaq? ... Little League standards? You really should have more respect for yourself.

But here is my bigger, overall feeling after seeing the show... Albert cannot be on steroids now. For the sake of humanity, baseball fans, and himself... if he is or ever was on steroids, it is going to be bad, real bad, Michael Jackson.

It was so easy for everyone to hate Bonds and A-Rod. Both were complete pricks who were full of themselves. Every sportswriter and fan ever has hated Bonds (maybe I stretched that a little bit). And there is no way you can argue that A-Rod isn't a douche after this.

Pujols, on the other hand, has been thrust into the spotlight thanks to the Disney corporation (ESPN and now this show). He has been shown to be humble and compassionate. I mean, with all that Down Syndrome stuff, it is really hard to hate the guy unless you are Hudson. When you factor this fact in with the possibility of Pujols going down as the greatest right-handed hitter of all time if he keeps his current pace, there is a lot riding on his shoulders.

So please Albert, just don't be on the juice. I don't think you understand how much of my own sanity rests on this.


  1. 1) Wow, you write about gay an awful lot.
    2) I heard Shaq vs. was good tv, but I had to turn this off halfway through. It was flat out brutal.
    3) Agreed, Little League fences, weak.
    4) In the baseball world, Pujols seems huge, but my goodness, compared to Shaq he looks like a midget. Shaw is really, really big.

  2. Response to #1... it's not much a coincidence at this point.