Monday, October 5, 2009

Obvious Steroids User 10/5/09

In honor of my apartment guest for the week, Danny, this week's newest member of the Obvious Steroids User Club is cork industry favorite, ALBERT BELLE.

When I went to do an OSU post a while back, I actually wanted to use Albert Belle after perusing through his career numbers. (That SLG% especially is more weebly-wobbly than Hudson after three drinks) But then I realized that he was already in the Mitchell Report. Obviously, like any good baseball blogger, I do have all the members on that dubious list memorized. I guess Albert slipped my mind for a moment. I was slightly embarrassed.

Although he will not be the first member of the Mitchell Report inducted to the OSUC, it did save me the hassle of having to use his numbers and before & after pics to support my case.

Instead, I will make an argument for Albert Belle being the world's greatest cheater with my patented three strikes theory.

1. The corked bat incident. My personal favorite part of it all was the fact that Jason fucking Grimsley was the one who climbed through the ventilation shafts in order to help out Albert. Those steroids users are a tight bunch.
2. The steroids. Umm... hello.
3. The Orioles contract. It takes quite a sly dog to cheat Peter Angelos out of millions of dollars. The best part is that despite his degenerative hip knocking him out in 2000, Belle continued getting paid until 2003. In the '01-'03 seasons, he earned just over $37M despite not playing in a single professional game.

So this Bud's for you, Albert, and all of your fantastic glory.

PS - Also note that Belle's Wikipedia page rivals Kerry Collins' for the most entertaining wiki I have ever read. All I know is that this is not the last you will hear of Albert Belle on this blog.
PPS - I forgot that the Iron Man's presence in Baltimore forced Big Albert to wear #88. Amazing.

1 comment:

  1. No spitting or swearing mentioned? I bet he murdered a stripper too