Saturday, October 3, 2009

The Prophecy

We started this website with hopes to deliver some crude baseball analysis, bias thoughts, and skewed judgment. Little did we know we have made one of the greatest prophecies in history (deal with it Mayans!).

You may be asking: "What is this prophecy? Is it the fact that you blessed us with a never ending supply of humor?" It's true, we did that. What is truly amazing is that we started a website named based off a marginally popular child's movie. Now there are many reasons we chose this as our site name, the main one being: its hard as fuck to choose a website name, so we just went with it. Little did we know the Twins would have a year eerily reminiscent of the mythological year Bill Heywood took the Twins to a play in game of the playoffs.

Coming into the season, the Twins owner mysteriously dies. OK, hardly mysteriously, he was something like 207 years old. I like to think that ownership was passed down to Pohland's grandson. The same grandson that knew that Jackie Robinson was not the first African American to play major league baseball, but it really was Fleet Walker for Toledo and the year was 1884.

The Twins came into this year with less than admirable expectations. Their pitching staff sucked. Their hitters consisted of two great hitters and a bunch of Nick Punto's. (You can not tell me that Lou Collins and Justin Morneau do not look alike, and Nick Blackburn and Bowers, the attitudes of Carl Pavano and Mike McGrevey it is shocking). Their pitching staff was weak, with a Blackout closer in Joe Nathan (anyone catch that?). Much like Bill Heywood's team, they started off a little slow.

Then, I like to think the entire team bonded over a simple joke and a tough Math problem. I also like to think Nick Blackburn and Carl Pavano got into a little tiff about hijinx with water balloons. And I know that Ron Gardenhire has more than a little problem with "Night Nurses from Jersey". All of the sudden the 2009 Twins were contending. Catchy music was inspiring double plays!

Now for the most exciting part. Will the Twins make it to the play-in game? The Twins need a little bit of luck, but so did the Bill Heywood lead Twins. Dave Magadan, I like you, but die like a dog!

So what do I predict for the 2009 Twins in the playoff game: right before Justin Morneau steps to the plate after surprisingly coming back from injury, Ron Gardenhire gives him premission to wed Ron's mother. With that little bit of extra gusto, Justing proceeds to hit a deep fly ball strait to right field. For some reason, the right fielder will be nowhere in the picture. And then... wait for it...

There's Curtis Granderson! Robbing Morneau's home run! Killing the hopes of the Twins.

As we all know, Gardenhire clearly should have started Wedman! (Check out the second to last quote)


  1. I'm waiting for the hidden ball trick. If that wins it for them I will jizz in my pants.

  2. I think the Tigers are considering picking up Griffey for Tuesday's game.