Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Texts From Last Night

While watching the Tigers-Twins, Zach, Mr. Anonymous, and Cooly shared their thoughts with each other via text (Matty was too cool to respond). Yes, we are that lame. I will impart the glory that we were sending each other (I will give the situation-ish in italics):

Zach: If Granderson... or Griffey rob a homerun here, Bill Heywood will turn in his grave.
Cooly: Won't work yet. Its not the 13th inning
Zach: Are you watching this?!? Did you see that play (Rayburn drops pop up)? It was the anti-Griffey.
Cooly: You just jinxed him, dick.
Zach: (Leyland gets up, and sits back down, confused at Rodney) How many times has Leyland almost pulled Rodney? 18????
Zach: Mags is so pissed Rayburn didn't use the patented "Mags Slide" to catch that.
Zach: Fuck Nick Punto! DIE! DIE! DIE!
Zach: Worst call in the history of baseball! (Chip Caray completely butchers a great play at the plate) Caray is the anti-Vin Scully
Mr. Anonymous: This is badass. Who is live blogging this?
Zach: O, fuck we probably should.
Mr. Anonymous: Young=Mickey Scales. Chip Caray is so far from Wally Holland (the Twins actual announcer)
Cooly: Get to your fucking desktop and you wouldn't have to keep texting.

(Yes, that is right. I am running back and forth to text, watch and write. I am the Anthony Michael Hall of baseball dorks.)

Mr. Anonymous: If Verlander comes in right here, it would be like Randy
Zach: You think Leyland tells Verlander, "Hey pussy, take a drag of this cig, put in some dip, and go fucking pitch. Who gives a shit if your arm falls off"
Zach: (Chip says more stupid shit such as:) In case you wondered what the longest tie breaker game of the regular season is.... Kill me. I hate Chip Carey.
Cooly: Big Homo
Mr. Anonymous: HAHA
Girlfriend: What did you make us for dinner? (The answer: Chicken Chow Mein)
Zach: Could Inge have any worse tats?
Mr. Anonymous: He's like Birdman
Cooly: I'm going to get the same ones on my arms.
Mr. Anonymous: Rodney for 3 innings? Why?
(Game winning Twins hit)
(Lots of celebrating)
(Justin Morneau and Carlos Gomez hug)
Zach: Most hood+Most Canadian=Best hug ever
Cooly: I bet Dave loved that
Mr. Anonymous: Gardenhire tried to wave his hat like Young Bill Heywood
(Orlando Cabrera says this is the greatest victory he has ever had)
Zach: Wasn't OC on the Red Sox first World Series team?
Mr. Anonymous: Ya... that's what I thought. Weird.
Cooly: Yea, I just think he was trying to get away from Craig Sager.
Zach: Victory laps: the whitest thing you can do or the most hood?
Mr. Anonymous: Whitest.
Cooly: Whitest. Have you seen the Minnesota crowd? It looks like the Aryan Nation.

Dick (my dad) calls to say: What the fuck? Did you see that Twins sign that said "Don't Stop Believing"? Could they copy more off the White Sox?

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