Wednesday, October 28, 2009

World Series Preview: Phillies

I heard a nasty little rumor that the World Series was starting tonight. Seeing that I am a man of reason, I was completely dumbfounded by this because I thought this would have been over a month ago. You know, like, when it was a little bit warm out.

O well, I've decided to FJM hilarious news stories that I found within 3 seconds of getting home from work and clicking on sports pages. Here is your Phillies news story, the Yankees are to follow...

Lawyer: Sex-for-tix woman has 'Phillies fever'

This is the headline on ESPN.com right now. I'm not joking. Clearly, this story has to be read.

A lawyer for a Philadelphia woman charged with offering sex for World Series tickets says she is "a nice lady overcome with Phillies fever."

Joke #1: Is this anything like hayfever? I've heard of hay fever before, but I never fully understood what it was. Thank you slutty Phillies fan for shedding the light on me. Hay fever is offering to have sex with farmers in order to obtain hay.

Joke #2: I wonder if this comes in Vikings fever, because I would love to bone some dude for some Vikes-Packers tix this weekend.

Joke #3: I bet I know someone who might have access to Phillies tix... Steve Phillips!!!!

Joke #4: Who is this lady's lawyer??? Charlie from Always Sunny???

Please leave your own jokes in the comments

Lawyer William J. Brennan says Susan Finkelstein might have dropped double entendres in her Craigslist ad but never explicitly offered sex.

Ah, some double entendres. Kinky. I like where these Phils fans heads are at here.

Brennan says the 43-year-old University of Pennsylvania graduate student...

Graduate fucking college already.

...wanted to take her husband to a game between her beloved Philadelphia Phillies and the New York Yankees.

What are you actions as the husband in this case? Are you pissed at your whore of a wife? Did you put her slutty ass up to it? Do you plan on murdering her whore ass afterward and stealing the tickets?

Brennan says the self-described "buxom blonde" was trying to score tickets online, as she had in the past.

Buxom=Fat.

Finkelstein was arrested Tuesday after meeting at a suburban bar with an undercover police officer responding to the ad.

Brennan says he hopes to get the charges dismissed.

Unlike all the other defense attourneys who wish their clients get some hard time.

2 comments:

  1. Is this Finkelstein lady related to Ray Finkle?

    ReplyDelete
  2. If she was hot she would have got the tickets and this wouldn't have been a real story.

    Also Cliff Lee is sick nasty

    ReplyDelete