Friday, May 14, 2010

Baseball Stumble: LSD and the No Hitter

Here at the revival of StartWedman are always looking for new ways to entertain the masses. Our newest running article comes from a spark creativity that stemmed from you, our readers. Frequent commenter/ infrequent poster Mr. Anonymous enlightened us with incoherent babble on a recent post. This illuminated magical idea coming from my very own think tank.

I will be bringing you several posts on a bi weekly basis. Here are the rules: 1) The post topic will be based on random events known as Stumbleupon. I will click Stumble, and the first site that comes up, I will write about it. 2) I've narrowed down my selections to baseball only topics, as I know virtually nothing about every other subject anyone can name. 3) I have 20 minutes to write a post, which keeps my activity low, and your reading levels lower. And now for our first post:

Dock Ellis Says He Pitched 1970 No-Hitter Under The Influence of LSD

Start time: 7:33pm

I absolutely could not have planned this better. This is seriously the headline of my first ever Stumble click. It was fate that I chose this. That is the only way of describing it.

My initial reactions: Intrigue. Fascination. Jelly Doughnuts (I tried to get in the drug induced spirit of the article). Envy.

While reading this gem of a piece I cannot help but point out some absolutely astounding tidbits

"I was in Los Angeles, and the team was playing in San Diego , but I didn't know it.
You did not know your team was playing, or they were playing in San Diego? How does one not only, not know his team is playing, but have no idea what city his team was playing in?

I took the LSD at noon. At 1pm, his girlfriend and trip partner looked at the paper and said, "Dock, you're pitching today!"

Thanks, bitch! You couldn't have told me this at say, 11 am before I was tripping shit???

Also, I've always wanted to have my girlfriend be my "slash" trip partner. I'm going to work on this.

Sometimes I tried to stare the hitter down and throw while I was looking at him. I chewed my gum until it turned to powder.

Best possible scenario for my new idea... This article happening. I'm not lying, this is the first one I came upon. I don't even need to write thoughts, the article is fantastic by itself.

...and arguably,one of the greatest achievements in the history of sports.

This is one of the greatest things to happen to blogging in the history of sports. I'm honored to know the courage and discipline that a young Dock Ellis showed in 1970.

If you want to chuckle a little more, please read this account of the same story, told using the same quotes, but never mentioning LSD.

Let's tie this together neatly with a spin for today's pitchers, with a list of pitchers that would most benefit from LSD:

Dallas Braden (don't tell me he wasn't high on something)
Jason Marquis
Doug Davis
Jenny Finch
Last but not least, my favorite stoner pitcher of all time...
Jon Garland. (Time is not permitting me to find a classic Garland stoned on the bench photo. I will find one)

2 comments:

  1. Actual finish time: 7:51, I wish there was a timer on me.

    After a good amount of time searching, this lame ass photo was the best I could find. It does not do justice to the days where he would fall asleep on the Sox bench with his hat over his eyes.

    http://a.espncdn.com/i/headshots/mlb/players/65/4235.jpg

    ReplyDelete
  2. What about this pic?

    http://whitesoxpride.mlblogs.com/inside_the_white_sox/images/pk_3.jpg

    Totally looks like Garland just woke up.

    ReplyDelete