Sunday, May 23, 2010

It's Lima Time

I was greeted this morning with a shocking and horrifying text. StartWedman reader Bob was the first to tip me off of the tragedy that occurred in Los Angeles this morning. As you may have heard the one and only Jose Lima died of a heart attack. I know what most of you are thinking: that's hilarious, or who cares his career kind of sucked. You know who cares, these guys! And me!

Some of you may remember Jose Lima's baseball career. Most of you probably remember his fantastic All Star/Celebrity softball game career, in which his intensity never wavered from absolutely pissed off. A few people may even remember the herpes that Jose gave them. Surely this occurred in a flurry of sexual rage, as that is the only way Jose Lima rolls.

Lima had an up and down career, so lets get to the small number of downs before I expound on the Col Willie Sharp like career path that Jose tore.

Jose did set some milestone marks. Lima once lost 16 games in a season, giving up a sterling 48 home runs (second most all time for a single season). Lima currently owns the record for highest ERA in a season for any pitcher who had more than 30 starts (6.99). Lima once said of himself: "If I can't pitch on this team--the worst or second-worst team in baseball--where am I going to pitch? If I can't start on this ballclub, I must be the worst pitcher on Earth." In reference to the Tigers. Later in his career, Jose was sent down to the minors... of the Korean Baseball League. He did all of this while unquestionably being more roided up than anyone on the cast of the Jersey Shore.

Let's not focus on the craptitude that Jose Lima displayed on an every other year basis.

1) I was unable to find his actual stats during his many appearances in the Celebrity Softball Game during each All Star break, but I know he had to be at least 6-0. He absolutely dominated Trevor Hoffman's teams year in and year out.

2) Lima has a hot wife.

3) Lima was a fantastic singer (see picture of singing above, you don't need to hear a clip to know that he rocks the mic)

4) Lima has mind blowing hair.

5) I repeat mind blowing hair.

6) The man changed the way fantasy baseball is played. The LIMA Plan is so utterly genius. Jose was the quintessential example of the LIMA Pitcher. Would anyone ever spend more than $1 for Lima, absolutely not. Was there a chance of greatness every time you got Lima? Yes.

7) Lima was easily the most fun fantasy baseball player to ever own. You tore your hair out every time he stepped on a mound. The way Lima pitched, and the way he reacted to pitching poorly, I'm amazed that he made it to 37.

8) Jose Lima made it possible for every average to below average high school pitcher to dream of the big leagues (this includes myself). He showed that it was possible to be a big leaguer hanging weak ass curves and piping 78 mph fastballs through the middle of the plate.

You will always be my hero, and inspiration every time I step on a Celebrity Softball field.

Oh, and this clip is awesome.

3 comments:

  1. Check out imgross.org they also posted this story for us.

    They got a good site. Added bonus it's more Chicago kids running it.

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  2. Jose won 20 games in 1996.

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  3. you are a low life faget. you wouldnt make it to the major leagues even if u could find a way to take steroids and have it not show up in a test. o yeah depriving someone of their career. closest u might ever get to a major league mound is watching a minor leauge game from right field bleachers

    ReplyDelete