Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Baseball Stumble: Chicks Dig the Long Ball

Since I have done close to nothing with my 2 weeks away from work, I though I would grace you with a little Baseball Stumble. If you forgot the rules, I used Stumbleupon.com and filtered for baseball. I have 20 minutes to write a titillating article that will entertain the masses. Aaaand go!

Baseball Stumble has done it again. Our first entry was about a pitcher's no hitter while high on LSD, this one is one of the best Non-Griffey commercials of all time. Chicks Dig the Long Ball.

My initial thought was sadness. First, I know that bringing up the Braves right now is rubbing salt in our new married man Mr. Anonymous' wounds. See today his favorite player young Larry "Chipper" Jones announced that he will be retiring after the season.

The second bout of sadness came when I realized that eternal douche, Mark McGwire, began this fantastic commercial. I didn't remember McGwire in it, and he his crying, acne-fied, piece of shit-ness almost ruins this commercial for me.

The commercial has a strong enough backbone to stand on its own though. The shear brilliance of this dominated the media when the commercial aired. Chicks did dig the long ball. So much so that Roided up freaks got all of the attention, while two of the greatest soft tossing pitchers of all time were mastering their craft and baffling hitters. I've had this argument several times, and I think it would be a fun one to start up in another post, but what other pitchers other than Maddux and Glavine were seen as top of the line starters without being known as power pitchers?

However, I would really like to dig into the essence of this commercial. I'm going to put a completely rough estimate and say this commercial aired in 1994. Check out both Greg's and Tom's career batting stats.

Do you see where I'm going with this? No, OK I'll inform.

Check out the home run numbers of these guys before and after 1994, the airing of this commercial (Warning: 1994 is a complete guess as to when this aired). Maddux had hit 2 home runs prior. How many after? 3! Clearly he took his own advice. Post commercial he increased his home run production 150%. And Glavine? He increased his infinity! That is some serious production.

All joking aside, check out The Mad Dog's glasses. They are humbling. Large, clear framed spectacles of freedom. Listen to the Mad Dog taunt Glavine with his chants of "C'mon Alice" and beating him with a bat. Clearly we know who the alpha dog in this relationship was... The guy who knocked out 5 career dingers.


  1. Chipper's first name is really Larry?

  2. And that commercial is amazing.

  3. 1994? First big clue to the date being wrong... Big Mac in a Cards Uniform. Guy didn't get to St. Louis till '98. Also easily noted... Busch Stadium post with its post 1996 retro-model retired numbers display... and grass not astro-turf as the stadium had prior to 1996.

  4. Ah, I see you have dominated my inferior intuition.

    I suppose the McGwire on the Cards is a huge tip, O well.

    Seriously, who was still wearing those glasses post 1998? I understand Maddux is slow with the fashion times (as seen by his mid calf-stirrup socks) but sticking with those glasses is a travesty.

  5. Any post that involves Greg Maddux's glasses and Manny Alexander is an automatic winner.