Sunday, June 20, 2010

Jeter Outraged. Cano Loved.

This post is not going to talk about how Robinson Cano has been on an absolute tear through the majors. No, we are talking some Gaga.

This story broke earlier today after New York's #1 transvestite paid a visit to the Yankees, clubhouse...

'Gross' Gaga's a skankee

Thank you, New York Post! I'm quite certain titles do not get better than this.

She's persona non Gaga.

The NY Post then gave all the readers a clear warning: If you did not realize this story was going to be horrible after the title, please do not read past this first line.

A fuming Hal Steinbrenner informed Yankee Stadium executives that Lady Gaga is permanently banned from the team's clubhouse after her boozy antics -- including swigging whiskey and repeatedly fondling her boobs

This kind of behavior never got David Wells booted from the clubhouse. New Yankee Stadium must have higher standards.

The songstress and two girlfriends sauntered their way into the Bombers' clubhouse -- without team approval -- and hung out for 30 minutes after the team lost to the Mets.

After the game, Alex Rodriguez was questioned and told reporters, "It's bad enough that we lost to a team managed by Jerry Manuel, but then we were forced to watch seemingly the worst threesome of all time occur." The only solace the Yankees can take out of this is they no longer have Hideki Matsui to make the threesome uglier.

She met six players -- including Alex Rodriguez and Robinson Cano -- while the "Poker Face" singer kept slurring her words trying to say how much she loved the Yankees and how thrilled she was to be inside the exclusive area, sources said.

Gaga, drinking Jameson Irish Whiskey, was wearing a Yankees jersey half-unbuttoned, exposing her black bra, fishnet stockings and a bikini bottom.

I cannot blame her attire. Every time I drink me some Jameson I end up wearing the same thing. Except I usually snake my way into Cooly's closet and don his neon green Devil Rays jersey.

But apparently she didn't think that was enough to catch the players' eyes, so she kept groping her chest over her jersey.

Apparently the NY Post did not think it was enough. They had to add photographic evidence, forcing me to tear my eyeballs out.

The show inside the clubhouse was news to Yankees brass.

Hal, who is co-chairman with brother Hank, club president Randy Levine, general manager Brian Cashman and manager Joe Girardi all had no idea she was going to show up, sources said.

In fact, when a Post reporter told Cashman about Gaga's presence, Cashman said, "What? I didn't know that," and stormed off.

Cashman was pissed that Nick Johnson didn't tell him. Cashman loves GAGA!

Sources said Gaga, who left through a private exit, smooth- talked her way past stadium security.

She was so drunk she had to leave a Major League Baseball locker room, yet she was able to smooth talk security. Clearly she does not know how to party. She could learn a thing or two from Todd Hundley. If you are going to get drunk, get so drunk you can not speak.

The bizarre incident was the 24-year-old raunchy songstress' second recent run-in at a baseball game.

Gaga, who has called herself a lifelong Yankee fan, caused a spectacle at Citi Field on June 10.

She showed up in the fifth-inning and threw a tantrum when she was seated in the front-row.

I suppose I would also be outraged when put in the first row. I mean how am I supposed to get crunk so close to the field. In those seats she can't adequately flaunt her lovely lady (possibly man) humps.

After cursing out nearby photographers, she forced the team to move her to Jerry Seinfeld's luxury box.

Witnesses say they saw Seinfeld with a can of lighter fluid and matches in his luxury box after the game.

Then she flipped off the Flushing crowd with both fingers after swilling beers.

1 comment:

  1. Could possibly be my favorite post of the summer. It is apparent that she has both male and female parts.