Second base is arguably the least important position in regards to fielding. This is why a schmuck like Skip Schumaker can convert from leftfield to second in just one Spring Training without having every played the infield at any other level of baseball in his life. Two of the players who could be considered for this list, in fact, sucked at fielding other positions and found themselves placed at second in order to get their bats in the line-up - Kent and Sandberg. That fact alone is part of the reason I hate the two so much. Jeff Kent will find his way into the Hall of Fame simply because he is all-time leader in home runs for a second baseman, even though he had no business playing the position and never would not be anywhere near consideration for the Hall if he was at third or first, where he would have been better suited. What an asswipe; although, Zach will disagree later, I'm sure.
Now, usually Zachary is the one doing the old school shit around here, but in this case, I decided to take a turn because there is no more awesome name than Rogers Hornsby. It sounds so official, so foreign, like he's a prince or some shit - or possibly his parents were just super dumb and didn't know that "Rogers" alludes to there being more than one "Roger." (Although, after research, I discovered that "Rogers" is in fact his mother's maiden name and his namesake, so I guess there is a reason behind the madness. But it's still a terribly dumb name, and I didn't want to delete out my little rant there.)
And Rogers put up some royally awesome numbers during his time as a player/manager (can someone say bonus points?): .358 AVG (including batting .400 twice)/ 1.010 OPS/ 2930 H/ 301 HR (led the league twice). He also won two MVPs and was the player/manager of the 1926 Cardinals (even though his players hated him because he was such a hardass). To top it all off, Hornsby also rocks one of the most confusing and overly thorough "Salaries" sections I have ever seen on Baseball Reference. All in all, not too shabby.
Up next, Joe Morgan could have been included in this post; however, after his years of announcing, everyone discovered that he actually knew nothing about baseball and everything about how to make fans' ears bleed. Joe Morgan's consideration of being the best second baseman of all time is officially dead.
ZACH: I was also going to bring up Joe Morgan, but anytime I think of him, all I think of is FJM. FJM! FJM! FJM! FJM! They are the main reason I haven't posted in so long. Just thinking about them makes me a little wet. Knowing that they were taking over Deadspin for an entire day gave me a 3 day long orgasm.
Before starting my long winded discussion about why I love Jeff Kent so much, I figure I should name drop a few of the greatest second baseman of all time. These guys absolutely should be talked about more; however, our website borders on unprofessional on a consistent basis and I have to keep up our rep.
Eddie Collins. He played a really, really long time ago (before this even). While it did not stop Cooly from having blog sex with Rogers corpse, I'm going to avoid Eddie's corpse this time around.
Jackie Robinson. Too black to be in consideration. Well, that will conclude our racist section of the blog (this is a lie, see the Jeff Kent section). Honestly, he was quite good, but not good enough to be talked about in this conversation.
Ryne Sandberg. Only a fucking Cubs fan would put him on here. I am NOT a Cubs fan. Using logic, you can also deduce that I am also not an idiot.
Roberto Alomar. He has AIDS, which gives him a few extra points.
Chase Utley. Despite giving me the most entertaining fantasy moment of my life (a post will have to be constructed for this event sometime), he still is a few years away.
Now for Jeff Kent...
Here are Jeff Kent's career numbers: 2,461 H, 377 HR, 1,320 R, 1,515 RBI, .290 AVG, .344 OBP, .500 SLUG! This guy was awesome. While I have not given you any other greats to compare these numbers to, just know that this is most definitely upper echelon of second baseman.
Now for what this site is all about, the intangibles! (Just go with it)
Jeff Kent sported this sweet mustache, for quite awhile, which made him look like a cop/porn star. That is a slash combination that I would love to be apart of.
Jeff Kent was so shitty at both first and second defensively that the Giants often did not allow him to cross into fair territory while playing (this has yet to be verified).
Jeff Kent participated in ABC's SuperStars challenge. This gives backing to my theory of Kent being a legend and still being cool enough to do stupid shows like this. His partner was also Ali Landry, who looks like this.
Jeff Kent hated black people, errr Barry Bonds. (Actually he may have hated black people too)
Again, this was his mustache.
Cooly's Best - Rogers Hornsby
Cooly's Worst - Jeff Kent
Zach's Best- Jeff Kent
Zach's Worst - Fernando Vina (how can you be on steroids and still be that shitty?)