Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Choose or Die!

With the recent irrational moves by the Dodgers sweeping the baseball world, I figured we should compare and contrast the insignificant moves they made today. The moves that I am talking about are the earth shattering choice of signing Juan Uribe to a 3 yr/ $21 mil contract and trading away Ryan Theriot (approximately $3 mil after arbitration).

The question of course is, Should the Dodgers have kept Theriot or gone with Uribe?

Juan Uribe Pros:
1) Swings hard
2) Used to be a good defensive shortstop
3) Hits around 20 HRs a year
4) Can play 2B, SS and 3B
5) Once dove into the bleachers in a World Series (Derek Jeter did that too!!!!!)
6) 2 World Series Rings
7) Throws really hard

Juan Uribe Cons:
1) Pretty shitty at most things required for baseball
2) Barely ever gets on base
3) Not good defensively anymore
4) Once dyed his beard orange
5) I've said to myself "No team can win a World Series with Juan Uribe starting for them" TWICE!
6)Will someday swing so hard time will go back 5 seconds
7)Unlike Antonio Alfonseca, only has 5 fingers
8) Is getting paid $7 million more than he should be

Ryan Theriot Pros:
1) Girls think he is pretty
2) Once played shortstop
3) Cooly thinks he is a good fit on the Cards
4) Gets on base a lot
5) Could steal you 20 bases
6) He is from the Bayou
7) The Cubs thought he could hit leadoff
8) Is probably undervalued in his current contract

Ryan Theriot Cons:
1) Has always played shortstop poorly
2) He cannot hit lead off
3) Has a little girl arm
4) Best way to describe him is "scrappy"
5) I think he looks like a cross between an elf and a douche bag
6) Cannot hit the long ball

I think I'm going to have to side with Theriot. He is getting paid much less to do the same job, and will basically be equally as effective.

What do you think?


  1. Another Juan Uribe Pro is that he is a one time selection for the All Fat Team. That's a definite positive.

  2. I think the real question is, "when will the Cubs stop producing middle infielders that everyone thinks will be good and then they end up under producing?"

    Take a look back at Theriot, Font, Ronny Cedeno, Todd Walker, and Neifi Perez for a quick look at crappy middle infielders that everyone loved. I'm withholding judgment on Starlin because I want to see how he handles a full season where pitchers have decent scouting reports on him.

    If I had to choose. . .or die. . .I would 100% go with Juan Uribe. How can you not go with a guy who has a sweet arm position the moment he knows he hit a home run (http://www.popfi.com/wp-content/uploads/juan-uribe-home-run.jpg)? Not to mention he could light you on fire or stab you with a pitchfork at any moment.

    Juan Uribe brings power, excitement, and a little fear to the table. Of course you would want that on your team.

  3. I agree with Zach for all his reasons.

  4. How could I forget about his All Fat Team selection???????

    This saddens me.

  5. Anyone who has a nickname in their name is severely undervalued. The-Riot http://www.crosstowntees.com/images/t_shirt_images/the_riot/the_riot.jpg.

    Upon internet searching Theriot I found this picture of him. http://www.thecubsbrickyard.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/ryan-theriot-ripped.jpg It looks like he may be adding the long ball to his repertoire next year.

    Zach good work getting in some Alfonseca references.