Yoenis Cespedes: The Showcase

I have paused the showcase video of Yoenis Cespesdes at 5:17 right now because I realized how amazing it is. I am also not sure how I have lived this long in my life without ever seeing a video of this magnitude. Anyways, since it has been a rather slow and boring MLB off-season so far, I have been searching near and far for anything relevant to baseball. Then I found what might be the greatest showcase video ever created. A showcase video so amazing that only a running diary can truly capture what is going through my mind as I write it. Here we go.

0:49 - I honestly had to stop the video to tweet about the sweet inspiring music that is going on right now. While I haven't actually seen his picture or any type of baseball being played, listening to some dude speak Spanish while being accompanied by inspirational music really has me wanting to go dunk a basketball, punch a random individual, or go spend $13 at Taco Bell.

2:09 - UPDATE! The inspirational music, Spanish speaking gentleman, and Star Wars credit words have finally stopped. I have enough adrenaline pumping to punt an elephant.

3:34 - Shortly after the credits stopped rolling, we get a glimpse into the baseball player that is Yoenis Cespedes. Using a rather slow song (no clue what song it is) and extreme slow motion, the viewers get strange little video clips of Yoenis hitting home runs. While I am excited to see him swing the bat and hit the ball as far as he can, the music has me feeling sad and confused. Did Yoenis just get dumped by his girlfriend? This mark in the video is also of a clip where he hits a long home run, stands to watch how far the ball goes for 8 seconds (not lying), all while someone in the stands plays some sort of trumpet.

4:53 - This mark shows a clip of Yoenis hitting home run #32 of the year which also ties the Cuban single season home run record. While that is nice, this is America. With all of this hype and a 20 minute Youtube showcase video, I thought he would be tying the Cuban home run record at 86, not 32. Disappointed.

5:36 - Shows the record breaking grand slam that Yoenis hits. How did I know it was record breaking? Because a rather loud "glass shattering" sound effect plays and scares me into choking on my cookie cake. This is followed by the Spanish speaking announcers going on for 30 seconds and I have no clue what they are saying.

6:13 - AIRPLANE SOUND EFFECT!!!! "I've done all I can in Cuba, now I must move on." Apparently this is the transition from baseball player to work out guru. Suddenly, I have no clue what is going on.

6:41 - Now we all get to see Yoenis work out without a shirt on. Classy move. It's a well known fact that baseball players work out better without a shirt on. Also, if I'm not mistaken, that is Chris Brown blaring out of my computer speakers. Final note, whoever is filming this video on the track is either running along with him, riding a bicycle, or is purposely shaking the camera as hard as he/she can. I may get sick.

8:23 - Still rocking the Chris Brown music, we all get to see Yeonis do some leg press. Not only is he leg pressing a lot of weight, he is leg pressing two of his friends who are most certainly "too excited" that they are helping him out. Seriously, look at their faces, that is pure arousal. It also just came up on the screen that he is currently benching 1300 lbs. Not sure if that is true or not, but I'm pretty sure that isn't that much.

10:29 - We get to see Yoenis shagging fly balls in right field. Apparently they don't teach catching the ball with two hands in Cuba.

10:47 - I was going to talk more about his poor fielding skills when the video transitioned into an extremely erotic workout between Yoenis and his workout partner. While this part of the video made me uncomfortable, it got worse when they used slow motion to show off his "CORE POWER!"

11:24 - They are still working out in slow motion. . .

11:27 - Now we see how Yoenis handles the center field position as he shags fly balls once again. More importantly, this clip shows how focused he is on catching fly balls. It doesn't even phase Yoenis when a random four wheeler drives behind him. That is an important skill that will transfer into the MLB. He also catches a ball behind his back. Well done Yoenis. I could do that when I was 9.

12:53 - I didn't update for the last minute and a half because I was enamored by how amazing his "CORE STRENGTH" was. At this point the viewer gets another look at some fielding practice that Yoenis is taking with the kids from the Cuban movie El Sandlote.

15:39 - DOING WHATEVER IT TAKES TO BE THE BEST!!!!!!!! AIRPLANE SOUND EFFECTS!!!!!! I am totally thrown by the fact that his little airplane graphic lands in ?, USA. What does this even mean? Does he not know the cities that certain teams play in? Would he really play for the Astros if they signed him?

16:22 - Now a map of the United States with each of the MLB teams logos on their respective cities. The ? logo is right in the middle but is right about the Twins logo. Is that subliminal messaging by Yoenis? Does he want to play for the twins? Has he ever seen snow?

16:38 - Here comes a slow scrolling stat sheet on various aspects of his career. Mind you, we have had complete silence in this video for the last two minutes or so. Not sure if this is done on purpose or not. Either way, it is making me want to see him leg press more and more weight! It also just scrolled through 3 paragraphs of text. No human can read that fast.

18:02 - A "Thank you" message is being posted on the screen. Strange because there are still over 2 minutes remaining in the video. Also, still in complete radio silence.

18:22 - Some words just flashed on the screen for a mili-second as a strange woman softball player is shown. I like the applause sound effects. We now find out that it is his mom. Strange children are cheering.

18:48 - Did he really just thank Ahman Green? Is this where Green went after his days with the Texans? Also, right after the "Thank you" went away, why was there a cow mooing sound effect?

18:55 - Yoenis also has a nice thank you tribute to his family and friends at this point. It shows three of his "friends" dancing to some sweet music while being shirtless and bad at dancing. This goes on for more than 30 seconds.

19:27 - No more thank yous, but just in case any of the MLB teams were wondering, yes, Yoenis can cook a pig.

19:58 - I almost thought that the pig part was an accident and wasn't meant to be apart of the showcase video, however, then Yoenis tells everyone The End with a red letter H and a pink letter N. Extremely confused.

If this video took me over an hour to watch and critique, how long did MLB execs take to watch the video. I am still currently sitting in silence because I am not sure what to do next. I do know though, that I need to work on my abs, pig cooking, and behind the back fly ball catching. After I have mastered all of the above, I will be ready to sign with the Twins.

FINAL NOTE: I am in shock right now and cannot proof read. This is raw, uncut, work out watching emotion right here. If you care that much, you shouldn't be reading it anyways.

2011 Free Agent Predictions

Yes I know, I am a little late to the party, but it's not my fault that the prediction emails were still coming in as of Wednesday. Not to mention, some of them weren't even filled all of the way out (Mr. Anonymous). If you go back and look at the predictions from StartWedman's 2011 Free Agent prediction piece, the results were not good. Somehow, Mr. Anonymous won with only 5 correct free agent picks. Terrible. However, this is the year that we all come out on top and correctly predict each and every free agent. Or at least the most important ones to us.

1. Albert Pujols - Three out of the four writers that contributed to the predictions think that Prince Albert will be staying at home with the St. Louis Cardinals. Only Peck, who will now start out 0 for 1, believes that he will land with the Yankees.

2. Prince Fielder - Now this one is a little more split up. We all threw out different teams in a hope that one of us nails the correct option. However, you can be sure that Fielder will end up playing for the Rangers, Angels, Giants, or Nationals by the end of the off-season.

3. Michael Cuddyer - Two votes for the Twins, one for the Red Sox, and one for the Royals puts Cuddyer in the category of "who really cares?".

4. Craig Counsell - While he may be approaching the ripe age of 50, Counsell is still an integral part of any playoff baseball team. He provides a sub .200 batting average with below average. . .well below average power. Still, he will be taking his talents to the Brewers (2 votes), Royals, or Cardinals.

5. Jose Reyes - Even with the latest reports that he may be signing with the Marlins, here at StartWedman, we know all. Even though Mr. Anonymous refused to vote for this one, the majority of the writers believe that he will end up signing with the Red Sox, while I think the Giants will pay for his talents.

6. Jimmy Rollins - Phillies for all four votes. We are probably going to be wrong on that one.

7. Nick Punto - He was an interesting variety of choices from the StartWedman staff. Realistically, he will sign with either the Giants or Cardinals. However, other options included playing for the Italian national team or passing away this off-season.

8. Omar Vizquel - Between retirement, becoming a player/coach for the Marlins, or signing with the Indians or Giants, young Omar Vizquel seems to have an amazing break out season planned for 2012. On a side note, where does he find such tight baseball pants?

9. Josh Willingham - A power bat with a decent average is always a hot commodity on the free agent market. The Cubs, White Sox, Nationals, and Brewers are all contending for his services.

10. Coco Crisp - Whether it is stealing 50+ bases or providing you with a delicious breakfast, Coco should find a new home pretty quickly. Cooly believes the White Sox will swap out weak hitting lefty speed (Pierre) for weak hitting lefty speed when they sign Crisp. Other votes were for Indians (2) and the Royals.

11. Grady Sizemore - Since the Red Sox just met with Grady, and I chose Grady to go to the Red Sox, I am pretty sure that I am, and always will be, correct. Mets, Rays, and Athletics also received votes.

12. Carlos Beltran - Giants, Tigers, Red Sox, or Rangers. He may have just rally killed this article.

13. Brandon Webb - There isn't much buzz right now on the status of this former Cy Young winner's destination. Mr. Anonymous refused to vote, Cooly thinks he will be playing slow pitch softball with Eric Byrnes, while Peck and I think he could land with the Braves or Nationals.

14. Roy Oswalt - I think most people forget what a dominant pitcher he was with the Astros. Derailed by injury last year, 2012 will be the chance for him to get back on track. Whether it is with the Yankees (2), Astros, or Rockies, Oswalt is still good. Also, please check out the link on his name. Awesome.

15. Yu Darvish - Besides all of the amazing Asian promo videos he is bringing to the United States, Darvish will also bring a solid season for one lucky team. Peck still thinks he will end up back in Japan, but the Blue Jays, Yankees, and Cubs are all favored to win his talents. The logo on his jersey though does look like the new Miami Marlins style. . .

16. Bruce Chen - Or should we call him. . .MVP of the universe. Dominant master of the world. Bruce Chen defines what all is man. However, that didn't mean that Mr. Anonymous would vote for him. The other three writers did though and think he will end up pitching for the Red Sox, Yankees, or Royals in 2012.

Random picks will land Aramis Ramirez with the Newark Bears or the Pirates. So there you have it. While it isn't a complete list of the 2011 MLB Free Agents, it is the only one that matters. If you don't like it, you can get out.